Anxiety about bipolar

[Lookingforpeace]

Hi all

I have depression and generalised anxiety.

Lately I've been feeling much better, and in those times feel quite happy and confident. Yesterday especially, I felt like I was drunk - was motivated, energetic and felt like singing and dancing!

Which got me thinking, what if I have bipolar? I very rarely have these "up" moods, and before my depression hit about 7 years ago I was always a happy, confident person. Then I get frustrated with myself because why can't I just enjoy the moment rather than let my anxiety steal it from me.

I did the bipolar test and got a low score but I'm wondering whether I have a mild version of it...

[Kazzl]

Hi Lookingforpeace

Ooooo, raw nerve. This is a tough one for me to reply to, because I really do know what you mean. I'm having similar worries lately, because I've been going between big ups and then crashes. I am watching myself, carefully, noting my mood swings and, to be honest, trying get up the courage to get my diagnosis checked.

I'll tell you what a couple of very knowledgeable and wise people have told me. First, we must not self-diagnose. Those tests (yes I've done them too dammit) are purely indicative, not reliably diagnostic, especially when we do them ourselves! We mustn't just trust Dr Google.

Second, we might just be responding to circumstances in our lives at present (in my case the hormonal changes of a Woman of a Certain Age could be playing merry hell with me). For you, perhaps it's your old lively happy self breaking through. (I really hope so hun.)

Third, see first.

I think it's important that you give this a bit of time and really observe yourself. Make some notes along the way. Are these ups followed by downs - ie is it a cycle, or is it that you're just feeling really good sometimes? Also, think back over the time you've had depression, were there any times you had the big ups as well? Do you do or think anything that's unusual for you when you are up?

Don't panic, and try hard not to convince yourself one way or another. Give it some time and if, after a while, you are still concerned, see your doc. (Yes, take own advice Kaz!)

Much much love and care to you Looking.

Kaz

[Beltane]

Hello. I think it's important not to self-diagnose. You could simply be feeling better and more energetic because your depression is lifting. Perhaps you are receiving therapy or on a medication that is starting to make you feel better?Even people with depression aren't depressed everyday- there are always days, weeks, or even months where it lifts. Some people even get very long-term relief, for years or decades.

Another thing to remember. We are all human beings- we are simply medical cases to be put into the right 'diagnostic box'. What I mean is- you are not simply depression. You are a human being with a complex personality and life. The right diagnosis is important only because it helps you find the right treatment. It doesn't have to 'own' you- it's not who you are. So I know it's scary to think 'oh god, do i have bipolar' but... try to look at it as 'i have uncomfortable symptoms, and it is important to find the right treatment to help ease those symptoms'. The label the doctors give those symptoms doesn't really matter. You're still you.

Like all mental illnesses, bipolar is a spectrum. That means there are different levels of severity. Some people are affected a lot, other people might only show very mild symptoms. You should speak with your doctor. Also, note that psychiatrists are specialists in mental illnesses. Doctors know a lot, but if you find your health is not improving, perhaps ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. There are bulk-billing options.

I have bipolar 2. And honestly, I'm grateful for that diagnosis. I struggled with permanent depression for about 10 years- it never went away. I also had terrible anxiety, to the point I could barely leave my house. I tried so many different anti-depressants, along with alternative medicine, and often felt worse rather than better. Finally, the GP sent me to a psychiatrist, and it turned out my anxiety had been masking the hypomanic symptoms that are typical of bipolar 2. I'm now on a bipolar medication, and my illness is MUCH better. So so so much better. Though I'm currently experiencing some difficulties, it's because life is a bit difficult right now, not because my illness is playing up. Its important to recognise that difference. But the illness itself is not a problem anymore, not since I got the correct treatment.
So yes, I'm grateful I got the right diagnosis, which led to a better treatment, which led to a significant relief of my symptoms.

But I'm still me!!

[Kazzl]

Thank you Beltane, very helpful post. I am glad to know the medication has helped you. Best wishes to you.

Kaz