Am I doomed guys?

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I am 28 and now I've been treated for longer then a decade for not having Schizophrenia because I was destructive and made regretful suicidal behavior three times over three years and I'm on involuntary treatment against my wishes, I can't have second opinions, tribunals or change psychiatrist's in my situation their convinced I'm suffering from Schizophrenia when I'm not actually 

I am pre diabetic meaning I have suffering with my dietary satisfaction and eating 

I am without a gallbladder meaning I'm more likely to gain weight because I can't process fats as well

I was bullied greatly in high school and treated without respect and kindness for a few years after high school by school kids too, even though this all ended seven years ago the memories are with me still

I'm behind with my driving independence but almost together and I'm fortunate their not discriminating me from driving freedoms due to my mental health drama

I have no direction for any suitable entry jobs or personality for study and confidence to follow creativity because I live with a father that makes me with reduced emotional, social and psychological confidence,  I sometimes question wither I want to sing or rap music but then other times I feel I don't and times I feel maybe it's confidence it's complicated 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Joe_The_Innocent27,

Thank you for sharing here.  It sounds like you’re managing many different feelings and emotions right now which must be very overwhelming. We hope you find some comfort in sharing here, and in hearing from the lovely community members 🙂

The idea of singing or rapping is awesome. It can be really tough to try something new when our confidence is low and can take a huge amount of courage. Getting in touch with that creative side sounds like a really wonderful thing.

Remember you can always call our support line to talk this through, on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat 24/7: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support 

Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their wisdom

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[Earth Girl]

Hi Joe_The_Innocent27,

I'm so sorry you have had suicidal behavior three times. That is a very hard thing to go through.

Severe bullying has lasting effects so I'm not surprised you are still hurt over this. Did any of these people try to apologize to you or right their wrongs in any way?

It's still possible for you to get your drivers license. Do you have anyone you can practice with? 

They have companies that help people with disabilities get jobs if you would like to join one. I'm with one and they got me a cleaning job which I do once a week. I started this job about 9 months ago and it's a really good job actually. These people are good at finding jobs that are well suited to us and aren't too hard.

I'm sorry about your father as well. My father is like that too. He ruined my confidence. Try to ignore what your father says because if you keep listening to him, it's just going to hurt you more. You can't get better at things if you have someone who just keeps putting you down. Are you able to more out?

I've heard that it takes about 4 years to learn how to sing (I'm not completely sure if this is true), but if it is true, it actually isn't that long of a time if you think about it. I would have thought that it would take a lot longer. It might take a bit longer to learn how to rap though, but it's never too late to learn those sorts of things. Based on all the bullying you've experienced in school and how your father treated you, it wouldn't surprise me if you have trouble with confidence. Do you have anyone on your side that roots for you and doesn't being you down like these people did/do?