all alone

[shagz]

Hi. Just popped onto the web chat but they must be busy.

I have no one to talk to. Sorry guys. I have had a bad GP apointment today. I just want someone to know I'm here. I'm fighting. I'm really sick today and its just difficult on your own sometimes.

I may be unwanted, discarded, up against more than I can handle alone but I'm still here for now and I just want someone to know I'm doing my best.

Really sorry about wasting time on here. Sure there's more important threads than this

[shagz]

Hi Mrs Dools. Just wanted to say thanks for the welcome and advice.

I play music when times are hard it helps as a distraction. Unfortunately, my instruments are very far away and I have not seen them for 18 months.​

I must say I feel my thread is very much less important than any others. I really have nothing to offer society atm other than a head full of problems.

Thanks again Mrs. D.

[shagz]

Hi Geoff. Thanks for your concern and comments. Something I'm not used to is people being nice.

You are right about it being difficult ​to post sometimes. When it comes to personal stuff like feelings, I am usually a man of few words.

I'm sorry, I have some extreme social and trust issues on top of everything else including no self esteem and yesterdays GP app.

I'm finding it a bit easier to post thanks to the support from you and others.

I have a lot of fighting ahead of me. Is it worth it I wonder?

[Doolhof]

Hi Shagz,

When I first connected with Beyond Blue I was in a really bad place and many people helped me out. When I am having a tough time, I share again how I am feeling and what I am going through.

Please don't think that your concerns are not worthy, of course they are. Someone else may have different concerns to you, but they are still concerns.

Anyway, I was thinking about your musical instruments and them being some distance from you. You don't need to explain the circumstances. Are you close to a music shop? Could you ask if you could play their instruments in the store?

Are you close to a school with a music department? Would they let you use their instruments? I don't really know how that might work, but you could try.

There are plenty of pianos sitting around in old folks homes not being played.Would you like to share what instruments you play? I can manage the spoons I think! I know I can't clap and sing at the same time, that is too much for my brain to manage. Ha. Ha.

As far as not having much to offer society at the moment, you never know how much a smile could warm a person's heart. When you are out walking or in the supermarket offer someone a smile.

As you mentioned you are a bloke, unfortunately you might have to be careful whom you smile at! Ha. Ha. Some women might get the wrong idea. Then again if a guy smiled at me I would be thrilled!

You asked if the fight was worth it. Yes it is. Some days it is darn tough, but there is always tomorrow with new opportunities.

Hang on in there. Hope each day gets a little easier for you.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[shagz]

Hi Mrs D. Hope you are well.

Thanks again, your post helped me a lot. I have found posting here does help and part of my safety plan is to help others on here too.

Been a bit unwell for that unfortunately .

I get very nervous outside of here around people, it's difficult to go anywhere mostly. I don't trust anybody.

My instruments? I am just another lowly electric guitarist. I am lucky enough to own 3 very desirable models. I have them set up to my style. I miss my 3 ladies.

Now I'm sad but realizing how important these things are to me and maybe my recovery.

I think it takes more energy to frown than smile. Smiles, like hugs I think are underated. I haven't had much to smile about but if a guy smiling at you would thrill you I have a smile for you.:)

It's for all your helpful comments, thanks!​

Gotta go now.

[Doolhof]

Hi Shagz,

Thanks for the smile. I really appreciated that.

I have a husband who suffers from mental health issues, and I also wouldn't be surprised if he was diagnosed with slight Aspergers, he has a few issues relating with people. He calls us friends!

I'm really sorry about your trust issues. I have built walls up around me that are so tall, at times I have thought they would never come down even when blasted with dynamite.

Now and then I surprise myself with self confidence and the ability to trust myself in most situations.

As you walk down the street, you might encounter people who feel just like you or me, we never know what is going on in another person's mind.

To me, anyone who can play a musical instrument or sing is very talented. I do not have those skills and abilities, and that is okay. I can enjoy listening to music and singing and appreciate it.

If you can pluck up the courage, I would like to encourage you to venture to a music shop and ask to play a guitar or two.

Is there any chance you can gain access to your guitars or is that just too difficult for you?

Regarding helping others here on the forum, do so when you are able. I am sure there are many of us here who have days when we struggle and find it difficult to post messages here.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

[shagz]

Hi Mrs. D.

sorry to hear of your husbands problems. I imagine this must be difficult for you at times. I can relate to social issues.

Don't be sorry about my trust issues. My physical and mental health were badly damaged so I need my walls. I feel I cannot survive without them.

You are a musician like me. You play the spoons and everyone can sing. Singing is theraputic and a good way for me to judge my moods. I can sing like nobody is watching because of course, nobody ever is.

my guitars are far from here and can only be picked up by me in person. It is difficult to organize. I MUST not rely on people with this cargo. They cannot be trusted. I will think of something.

I will ask one of the workers if they can help me with the music store. It will take time.

Really have to go now. Thanks again Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Hi Shagz,

I have a funny story concerning my singing abilities for you. Years ago I ran a Playgroup and Crèche. During each session we followed a program. Part of that was to sing songs with the children.

During crèche one day, a girl came up to me and asked me to stop singing as I was hurting her ears! Ha. Ha. That was hilarious.

None of us can ever know what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes. Regarding your wall, maybe you might like to peep over the top of it now and then and see what is happening out there.

Years ago I spent two weeks in a mental health unit as I had a breakdown. As I had so much spare time, I started to draw. I found that was great therapy for me. I recall drawing myself inside a tall round well like structure.

I might get my pencils and drawing paper out again...

It is great you are thinking about approaching the music store. Even thinking about it is a very positive action!

In Church yesterday we were told the story of a 15 year old boy who hangs around on the streets after school waiting to be picked up at 6.30 p.m.

To cut a long story short, the Minister invited this boy into the Church so he could play the piano there. Apparently he played wonderfully.

Hoping you find some solace today. Cheers again from Mrs. D.

[shagz]

Hello Mrs. D, hope all is well for you today.

As far as singing goes maybe I should mention that it doesn't matter how bad you are! I used to be better but had my nose broken several times.

I spent some time thinking about you saying about trusting yourself.

I'm not sure if I can keep posting as I feel your efforts could help someone more worthy. Its so nice of you to chat with me but don't want to waste your time.

Maybe its just me being sick today. I take over 720 mg of meds per day just for mental health. I'm very drowsy so I might go now.

thanks for posting.

[Doolhof]

Hey Shagz,

Just want to let you know that you are not wasting my time nor anyone else's. To me, everyone here is important and worthy of being listened to and acknowledged.

Also, if you feel like you can't reply, don't have the energy to do so, or just want to chill for a while, all of that is okay.

There are no rules or requirements as far as how often, how long or how meaningful your posts are.

You just do what you need to do. If you don't feel up to replying, or you need to write a hundred posts, either option is okay.

Wishing you a brighter day tomorrow! I know that some days really suck, been there and done that many times!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[shagz]

Hi Mrs. Dools.

I hope all is well for you. I'm a bit sick. I have contracted a cold. Ha, I couldn't be any sicker atm.

sometimes I cut posts short, I feel strange and have to go. I have been reading many posts including one of yours that made me sad. I'm sorry about things that life has dealt you.

Oh yes about drawing. When really sick i draw but I draw on myself. Everywhere, face arms legs. Mostly I find it the next day as one of my other personalities has done it. The Drs. taught me how to prevent self harm with a pen.

I think you may be getting an idea of stuff I deal with daily. It is so hard to be me. A day without incident is always welcome!

I really better go now.