30, happily married, beautiful daughter, but silently struggling with my mental health..

[Elle]

Hi all, new member here...struggling at the moment. 

Every time I have been to see a psychologist in the past, there are so many different issues to discuss, that I've never been able to find the right help. I'm 30 years old, very happily married with a beautiful 18-month-old daughter, however, I silently suffer with my mental health and I want to be better. I've been stuck in fight or flight my whole life due to past trauma, and I'm tired, so tired. I want to make a change to better myself, not only for me but for my family too. 

Personal struggles (feels good to finally list them all down in writing)

* SA as a child by a family member. Made to keep quiet to not upset the family dynamic, and now I no longer speak to my family because of this. To go along with this, my parents are narcissists, and my mother has been jealous towards me my whole life. Lived in a lower-class home also, couldn't afford school uniforms, lunch boxes etc, so also got bullied for this/always felt I was not deserving of nice things. This mentality sometimes still carries through to my adult life, where I'm always putting others before my own needs. 

* Drug use in the home when I was growing up, lots of arguments/fights/screaming/silent treatment etc.

* I was in a controlling/manipulating relationship for 6 years in my teen years, which ended in him cheating on me. 

* Suffered from terrible hormonal acne during my teenage years, and lots of body image issues because of this

* Had a miscarriage in September 2019, then was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in December 2019, a very difficult year. 

* I have lots of people in my life whom I'm 'friendly' with, but wouldn't say I have friends. Quite lonely

Currently 30, and in the best stage of my life, lots to be thankful for, however, I still am dealing with/processing the above, and it's heavy, a lot to live with day to day. 

If you've got this far, thanks for reading, nice to know there's someone else out there willing to hear someone else's concerns. 

Hope you're having a good day. 

[Scared]

I understand when there are so many issues to discuss to a pyschologist that you dont know where to start.

A self help book I once read refers to this as a can of worms.  And the trick is to pick one of the worms ( issues ) out and work on that.  If by some magic once started it removes a big handful of worms in the process.   I used to feel overwhelmed by the amount of issues I had , but once I just picked one it was amazing how other issues I had seemed to get fixed in the process.  If you try again with a psychologist I think this may help to remember to pick anyone not necessarily in any order.

[Croix]

Dear Elle~

I'd like to join Scared in welcoming you here. Life has dealt you a pretty crummy hand and of course this has had great effect upon you. As an example always being in Fight or Flight mode is exhausting and also makes one miss genuine opportunities

As someone with trauma in the past I've started in that condition, but now have much less of a 'hair trigger'. I guess therapy, meds, support and time have all played their part, as has coming to know myself and probable reactions.

I think Scared is absolutely right, rahter than trying to cope wiht multiple issues in your sessions pick one -preferably the easiest - and concentrate on that. They are of course all linked but even so can give you a feeling of accomplishment and a measure of control. Perhps you psych may be able to suggest one if you are stumped.

To have a friend is a rare thing, I've only had four in a long life, and two of them were my partners. Nevertheless acquaintances have an important role to play, you are not always by yourself, and can pick who is the most amusing, or has the most interesting things to say. It does help

There are lots of us here who quietly read, and will have read your post, however most are shy or have some other reason for never posting themselves. Even so they can take courage from your account.

You will always be welcome here

Croix