Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Birdy77]

Do you know what style of shoes plumbers love the best?

Clogs.

[Croix]

I'd find it far to difficult to make a joke abut clogs.
Wooden shoe?

[Happygoluckymiss]

This is so bad but I love it

what’s red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket

what’s green and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disguise

😂😂😂 every time

[SubduedBlues]

Q: what is red and green, and goes a hundred miles an hour?

A: a frog in the blender.

Q: what is red, green, black, and white, and goes a hundred miles an hour?

A: same frog trying to read the newspaper.

[Skary Bill]

An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and an Aussie walk into a bar.

And the bartender says.... "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[Croix]

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, "That shirt looks great on you!”

The man looks around, doesn’t see anything, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. But then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering, “You seem like a really cool guy!”

Again, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get his ears checked out by a professional. Finally, when his nerves have cooled and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud of you!”

He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he calls over the bartender. He says, “Hey barkeep! What’s that voice I keep hearing?”

“Oh, those are the peanuts,” the bartender replies. “They’re complimentary.”

-C (who just raised the bar on jokes here:)

[Skary Bill]

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s something I could really see myself doing.

[PamelaR]

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Yeh Croix - yes you have upped the bar. I don't understand it 😞 OMG I just got it LOL.

[Mr Ploppy]

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle,
the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.

The old farmer said,
"When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there,
he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function,
and you just wonder what kind of dumb a . . . put him up there to begin with."

[Croix]

Oh dear, people keep finding difficult topics, anyway ...

An agitated tortoise crawls into a police station.
"I've been robbed by a murderous gang of snails, he announces.
"Calm down," says a cop. "Just tell us everything that happened."
"That's difficult," says the tortoise. "It all happened so fast!"

Croix (with a wave to Birdy77)