Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[AGrace]

Hi All,

Wednesday was a busy one, so this is coming in a day late...

Why is Cinderella no good at sports?  

Because her coach is a pumpkin, and she is always running away from the ball!

Hope you all had a lovely Wednesday, and Happy Thursday!!

AG

[AGrace]

Hi guys,

I'll put this one in for today, has anyone else got a terrible (or funny) joke they would like to share today? It's the middle of the week so a bit of humor would be nice to help us progress just that little bit closer to the weekend!!

What's the difference between ignorance and Apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.

I've also got a bit of a riddle for you to problem solve if you want to give your mind a rest from all the thoughts you've been having today...

In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink!

Q: What color were the stairs?

Have fun!!

AG

[SubduedBlues]

Due to a job transfer, Brian moved from his bush town to the City.  Being that he had a very comprehensive health history, he brought along all of his medical paperwork, when it came time for his first check up with his new Doctor. After browsing through the extensive medical history, the Doctor stared at Brian for a few moments and said, ”Well there’s one thing I can say for certain, you sure look better in person than you do on paper!”

[AGrace]

Very funny D&D! Thanks for contributing. No doubt we all look better in person;)

[AGrace]

Hi Guys,

It's Wednesday, so time for some lousy jokes, just what you need if you're feeling a bit down today:)

''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''  

I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' "Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''      

A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor.  How much do I owe you?" said the woman. "$345" the vet replied. "$345?!!!", "Yes, $45 for the consult and $300 for the cat scan."

Ok, see if you can add to this:)

[Girl_Anachronism]

Not my best efforts, but in honour of Neils spirit:

A police officer caught two kids playing with a car battery and a firework. He charged one and let the other one off.

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? 

Just one, to hold the light bulb in place as the world revolves around him.

Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.

GA

[tesi3]

Not great at telling jokes, but enjoy picking up anecdotes that amuse me.

Such as the very exclusive cbd apartments which wouldn't allow pets. However a lady living there had a cat and tried hiding any signs, including by emptying the cat litter down the toilet.

Cat litter eventually hit a point in the pipes where it built up... and two floors of very expensive apartments were flooded with sewerage.

All that for not allowing one cat!

[White_Rose]

My jokes tend to be a bit long-winded so I found a couple of shorty breezy ones.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hall. One hat says to the other "You stay here, I''ll go on a head.

Q Why did the bicycle fall over?

A Because it was two-tired.

I know it's Thursday but I missed yesterday.

[AGrace]

Hi guys,

rather than a joke, I thought I'd share an interesting sign that I stumbled across at an exhibition recently. It read:

"Please don't touch yourself. Let us help you try it out."

Have a fantastic Wednesday night!!

[Girl_Anachronism]

Here's my contribution:

Did you here about the guy who lost his whole left side?

He's alright now.

A lady went to a psychiatrist complaining of a terrible phobia. “Every time I lay down on my bed I get this terrible fear that there is something underneath. “Wow” responded the psychiatrist “I’ve never heard of such a phobia, but like all phobias it can be treated, but it will likely take around 20 sessions.” “OK” responded the lady “how much is each session?” “Oh it’s just $80 a session, but trust me it’s well worth it.” When the lady didn’t come back to the psychiatrist he gave the lady a call. “How come I didn’t hear from you? He asked.” “Well” responded the lady “when I came home and told my husband about the cost he thought he would save some money, he just cut the legs off the bed!"

GA