Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Croix]

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

attributed to Groucho Marx

[tranzcrybe]

Standards drop...
I went to the Deli for my favourite dried meat products, but quickly left empty handed when spotting the sign announcing I was at the Wurst shop in my neighbourhood.

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone…..🤗..

What do you call a wild dog that meditates?

Aware wolf.

[Fiatlux]

Grandy, that’s the best… dogs do have Buddha natures.

[sbella02]

Keeping with the dog theme, I thought this one was clever:

How are a dog and a marine biologist alike?

One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

[Croix]

A horse walks into a bar...and orders a beer.

As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"

The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.

See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement, "I think, therefore I am."

I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

[Fiatlux]

Oh, such a beautiful and typically French thing to say…

Macron, “I don’t think, I know “

Me… I think, therefore I am… hungry this morning for what else but croissants! 🥐

Popping them in the oven now. Have a lovely day everyone. Fiatlux 🙏🏼

[sbella02]

Why did the man open a bakery?

Because he kneaded the dough.

[Fiatlux]

Don’t know if this is a joke or stupid things actually said in a courtroom…

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No..

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

[Croix]

Two lawyers went into a diner and decided to order drinks...

They felt hungry after a long day so they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat them.

The owner frustratedly marched over and told them, “listen, you're not allowed to eat your own sandwiches in here!”

The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.