Just For Laughs

[beingbyrne]

Some one said that to me once " If you can have a good laugh at yourself, then you are sure on the right way to recovery. I think we should look in the mirror some times and try to have a good laugh at ourselves. Because laughter not only releases endorphins in the brain, but looking at life from a humorous perspective makes it a lot easier to deal with challenges in every day life.

Do you have a joke about mental illness? I'm going to start with a couple.

Joke #1:

  Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear. 

Joke #2:

A psychologist was walking along a Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle poking up through the sand. Opening it, he was astonished to see a cloud of smoke and a genie smiling at him.

"For your kindness," the genie said, "I will grant you one wish!" The psychologist paused, laughed, and replied, "I have always wanted a road from Hawaii to California."

The genie grimaced, thought for a few minutes and said, "Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't do that! Think of all the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how long they'd have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement. That's too much to ask."

"OK," the psychologist said, not wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm a psychologist. Make me understand my patients. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, what do they really want? Basically, teach me to understand what makes them tick!"

The genie paused, and then sighed, "Did you want two lanes or four?"

I really hope you guys find these funny, because I couldn't stop laughing when i first read them.

[Jo3]

Hey Beingbyrne

I love the first joke - the Pyschiatric hotline

It made me laugh so much, thanks for this post.  I don't know of any jokes but hopefully others will come on here and add some more.

Hope you're doing okay.

Jo

[Neil_1]

Hi there Beingbyrne;

Ohhhh, I'm gonna LOVE this thread.  🙂

The first one is a classic.  The 2nd one I believe is a bit of a variation as I've heard it with a young man wanting to know about women ... and hence the same thing happened;  but either way, it's damn funny.

Thanx for commencing this thread and as long as some of mine pass the Moderator's cat test, I'll be able to post some good ones.  🙂  Not sure if they suitable for a G rating audience though.

ps:  the moderator's cat comment is a long standing joke, that a former brilliant member of BB started this.  I don't think there's any such thing as the moderator's cat, but I just find it amusing and sorry, no jokes in my first post.  But well done again to you.  🙂

[geoff]

dear Beingbyrne, although I think you have called yourself Mrs.Byrne in one post, I love them, maybe the genie is delusional.

This isn't a joke as I always stuff up the punch line, but if you look into a mirror at Luna park in the rooms of mirrors what do you see multiple images of yourself or can you make them into one image of yourself, then if it's the former, then every image of you portrays a side of depression that you are battling against. L Geoff. x

[beingbyrne]

Hi Everyone, 

Thanks for the replies and I'm glad that the first joke has put a smile on your face or even made you laugh. As for the genie…. she might be delusional or may be not… who knows? I guess, what I'm trying to say is that, if I can't stop feeling hopeless, then at least I can laugh about it. I have got to this point in my life when I'm just really tired of being sad ( and worried ) about not being "normal" ( and probably never will be) because it is what it is, and it's up to me how I perceive myself. May be I am delusional ( may be that is why I can relate to genie, lol),but it certainly helped me to lighten up a bit. And I wish that all the other  "not normal"(what is normal anyway) people out there are able to love themselves for who they are. You can perceive yourself as miserable or happy or a loser or an achiever …and so on. I guess I've decided to perceive myself hilarious lately. 

And here is another joke for you:

Diagnostic criteria for NPD: Normal Person Disorder
1. A chronic feeling of normalness.
2. A tendency to bore others easily.
3. A nagging sense of constantly meeting one's goal.
4. Lack of difficulty getting organized.
5. Inability to be humorous.
6. Knowing how to count without forgetting what number you are up to.
7. An inability to be creative and intuitive, no seat of pants to fly by.
8. An unbroken remote control.
9. A To-Do list that gets done.
10. A chronic interest in each or any of the following for more than a week:
a:) Job
b:) Relationship
c:) Schedule
d:) Patience
e:) Passing Grades
f:) Sex

Be kind to yourself and each other 

 Mrs Byrne

[scorch]

LOL.  That check list!!!  haha 🙂  I think I'm definitely NOT normal

[cancerianmoon]

Thank you for this thread.  The jokes really did make me smile; cranking up those endorphins!

I've always thought of myself as anything but normal and having read the checklist above, am so thankful that I'm not!!

I don't have any jokes to relay I'm afraid and if I did I'd forget the punchline too!

Looking forward to more,

Cancerianmoon

[beingbyrne]

Here is another one for you Cancerianmoon, hope it makes you giggle.

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. 

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" 

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" 

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put it on the phone, I'm lost and need directions.