Friends Cafe - social space for members under 25

[Kazzl]

Hey! Welcome to Friends Cafe.

This is a chill and chat space for young BB members to talk about anything and everything and make new friends.

When school's getting to you, uni or work has got you down, parents, partners, friends don't understand, and especially if you're feeling alone or lonely - come and relax awhile and talk to others who know just how you feel.

Our minds can cause us trouble, but they can also be amazing things that imagine beauty, love and fun. This cafe has everything you can imagine. To start with it's, well, a cafe. So there's chairs and tables, comfy couches for flopping, a big screen tele, unlimited download on computers for games, Spotify (or an old-school jukebox if you prefer), every movie you can think of on instant demand ... whatever you want, it's here. Post and tell us what'd you'd like.

Plus, there's an infinite menu of whatever food or drinks takes your fancy. And it's all free!

To kick it off, today we have a special range of Monster Milkshakes - those thick gooey shakes topped with cronuts, chocolate bars, cake, cookies ... whatever you want. And if you can get through one of them, you're a legend (and probably feeling a little bit sick LOL!)

Welcome friends.

[ahw309]

Hi (back again SM :)), just going to sit for a while on a beanbag in the corner. I might stay for a while so if anyone comes around, some company may be nice 🙂 I usually like being alone but I don't know why, some of my thoughts are quite strong and really scaring me today and along with the physical symptoms, I feel like going to hide away and cry haha. Well I'm already hiding away now in my room I guess!! I really want to talk to one of my close friends, but he is in the midst of exams (as most of my friends are), probably stressed, and I don't want to add any extra stress to anyone - I cause everyone enough grief as is haha. It just feels like I always do and say the wrong things. I didn't want to bother anyone, so, so, so sorry, but I guess this is the reason I joined this lovely community in the first place! But I'm really sorry!!

[Zeal]

Hi ahw,

You are definitely not bothering anyone here on the forum 🙂

You could try muscle relaxation - it's helpful for anxious thoughts and the accompanying bodily sensations. I just found a recorded guided muscle relaxation from beyondblue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/docs/default-source/media-releases-audio/chapter14-guided_progressive_muscle_relaxation.mp3?sfvrsn=2

If you think talking things through with someone would help, definitely give beyondblue's 24/7 helpline a call on 1300 22 4636. I called this helpline for the first time this year, when I was anxious and teary one afternoon, and it was nice to have someone non-judgemental and qualified listening to me and offering advice. A misconception some people have is that helpline's are only for absolute emergencies.

I personally find this song both relaxing and uplifting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHpEfRQL6Bk

I hope you can find ways to feel more calm and relaxed 🙂

All the best,

SM

[ahw309]

Thank you for your help SM!

I find that song nice as well, thank you 🙂 I have a playlist on my phone of songs I find helpful, as music can be really calming for me but today I just felt more anxious at the thought of listening to music, I don't know why! I started listening to the muscle relaxation thing too but something happened and it stopped working and I'm not really sure why. It is probably because my wifi has been playing up today. I know it's stupid to think it, but I feel like I did something wrong and am making the wifi not work or really slow, even though I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything. I really do feel like it's because of something I did though.

I would try calling the helpline but don't go well with phones, just the thought of making a phone call makes me really anxious! Actually, today the phone rang and I was the only one home so had to answer it. I considered not answering it but also the sound the phone makes when it rings also makes me anxious hahaha so I answered it, it was just horrible and I ended up hanging up rudely in a panic, and now I feel terrible for being so rude in hanging up! It happens every time I answer a phone call, and everyone probably thinks I'm so rude. And not just phone calls, just all the time I act so rudely, like when someone says hello or asks how are you, I never ask them back because I can't bring myself to ask, and it seems like I don't care, but I really do care, and couldn't care more than I do, and especially in class I don't listen to my teachers and zone out all the time because I can't concentrate and it's so disrespectful of me and they probably all get annoyed by me, and I also never even say happy birthday to anyone in my family, sometimes my friends, because I'm not sure why, I just feel so embarrassed to say it. Something as simple as happy birthday!! And it makes me seem rude, or like a bad sister/daughter/friend because it seems like I've forgotten their birthday, but I really haven't and I get so frustrated with myself, why do I convince myself I can't do such simple things like this? There's so much in this world I wish I could do for people and so many people I wish I could help but I stop myself every time and I feel like a terrible person!

[ahw309]

Ok I'm so, so sorry for rambling!

It's weird to get that little snippet of my thoughts out, because I'm a really private person and hardly tell anyone any of the thoughts or feelings I have. This is also a reason why my GP and school counsellor can't help me much because I just can't bring myself to say anything to them, so they obviously don't really know what to do with me, and only do what they can. I thought when I had my first appointment with my GP I felt ready to share, because I finally felt comfortable with the idea of it, but I couldn't say anything helpful, sometimes just said I was fine because it was so much easier that way! I just can't really say or do anything helpful haha. Like my friends sometimes ask our group chat for help for a question for school and I always say that I'll help, but turns out I can't even do it or I say the wrong thing and I feel so useless and helpless. And I know this isn't really true but I feel so stupid, why did I even try to help, of course I can't help!

Okay, I'm so so sorry to keep going on and sorry to be bringing negative vibes in our cafe, sorry and thank you again SM for your advice above, I appreciate it! 🙂

[Zeal]

Hey ahw,

Don't worry about writing your thoughts here- it's great that you were able to get them out. Though this is a social space, I am more than happy to talk through your concerns. I enjoy giving advice when I can. Like you, I like to help others. I didn't volunteer or help out in this capacity until I was 21, as before then I was still working on personal things and overcoming obstacles. It's amazing that you truly want to help others, despite still needing and deserving help yourself. Maybe talking about some of your thoughts here is a step to being able to open up emotionally, which will help your GP and school counsellor to help you!

The beauty of living at home (I am pretty sure you do, but correct me if I'm wrong) is that your family are there to talk to. While not everyone is a patient listener or able to relate to anxiety and other mental health conditions, just having trusted people to talk to is crucial. My Mum is like my confidante, and I know that what I tell her goes no further.

I understand the frustration of not being able to concentrate! Quality sleep and light to moderate exercise (walking) has helped me. Also, being self-compassionate is important. I just found this great webpage on self-compassion: http://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/

I hope you have a restful night before tomorrow 🙂

All the best,

SM

[ahw309]

Thank you again SM!

I had an okay sleep, but woke up this morning from a bad dream and with thoughts and unpleasant mages in my mind again! It's giving me urges to revert back to previous unhealthy ways to cope. Not great but I'm okay with it, as I have really good self control when I want to 🙂

I do live at home but I'm not really comfortable talking to anyone in my family or opening up to them emotionally. I have a good relationship with them, but not a close one. There's really only one person I feel comfortable talking to which is the friend I was talking about before. I haven't actually told him anything, but whenever I am with him I feel like I could if I needed to. He is a great friend and I am able to have a lot of fun with him, while also sharing a lot of my thoughts. I really value our friendship, which is based around encouragement and building each other up!

I often question whether I actually do want to help people because I don't really do anything to try and help anyone. For example, when I sense that one of my friends is upset, I don't ask how they are or offer any support or help or anything, I just get really, really worried and anxious about them, which doesn't help anyone. Sometimes I would get so worried about people that I would have to skip class, but I still didn't try and offer any help. Do I actually really care if I don't even try to help? It makes me feel guilty and I'm always worried, because people say I'm nice, caring, etc. but I feel like one day everyone is going to discover my true self, which is the opposite of what a lot of people think.

I have to go to school and do my exam soon. It's a maths test which I am kind of okay with, because even though I haven't prepared for it I know the basics so hopefully I'll be able to figure out quite a few questions. My family considers maths to be one of my strengths and I'm not really sure I agree, but I'll go with it today 🙂

Sorry and thank you again for you help!!

[Zeal]

Hi ahw,

I hope your exam went well (by the time you see this)!

I am glad you have self-control, but make sure you get help if you feel vulnerable and at-risk of reverting to unhelpful coping strategies.

Your friendship with this guy sounds great! I'm glad your family are there for you too if you need support 🙂 You definitely don't deserve to feel guilty! The fact that you are constantly thinking about others and what you could do to help (even if you don't necessarily act) means you have a strong social conscience and great compassion.
I didn't directly act to help others when I was your age, partly because I had my own difficulties to overcome, and also because I lacked confidence. Once you are in a better state of mental health, you could then start volunteering if that's something you would like to do. I started volunteering at 21, when I was ready.

I'm glad maths is a subject you can understand. At both primary and secondary school, maths was actually my weakest subject!

When you get home after your exam, relax or do something fun as a reward 🙂

All the best,

SM

[ahw309]

Hi SM, thank you so much for everything.

The test went okay and was a lot better than I expected, which is good, and even though the last thing I felt like doing was seeing and interacting with people, seeing my friends was really good, and made me feel a bit better 🙂

I've done a bit of volunteering but not much. I think confidence is a big barrier for me, especially with any social component, not just for helping people but for doing a lot of the things I want to do. Sometimes I feel like if I volunteer I'll be more of a hinder than a help!

Anyway, how have you been the past few days? How is uni going? 🙂

[Zeal]

Hi ahw!

I'm so glad the test went better than you thought! Seeing your friends afterwards was a great idea!

Good on you for trying some volunteering. There's plenty of time in the future to try it again if you wish to, in whatever capacity. I think you would be more helpful than you realise 🙂

I've been doing really well over the last few days 🙂 It's nearing the end of week 2 of uni, and I can already tell my last semester may be one of the busiest ones yet! Thankfully, I am in a good headspace at the moment and have been concentrating a little better than usual, so I'm trying to make the most of it!

I hope you're having a good day at school 🙂

All the best,

SM

[ahw309]

Hi SM, Grace and anyone else, thinking of you all and I hope you are well!! Anything of interest happen lately??

I have two more trial exams to go, then I'm done!! Waiting for the weekend so I can do nothing without feeling like I should be studying haha!

Take care 🙂