Dear Moon (excuse me I'll answer everyone else later)~
I guess the thing is this. There are many people in the world who are actually built up out of their relationship with another. I'm one of them. My world, the things I do each day, my thoughts, moods and all the rest happen becuse I"m joined to another -I am part of them and they are part of me.
If that person passes away like my 1st wife, part of what was the real me died too. I was no longer the same person, I no longer felt the happiness I'd felt before. Half the things I used to do no longer were necessary or had meaning. I felt I did not know myself, this diminished stranger in my body. As stranger who often broke down.
When she first died I was busy, sorting out all the things needed to be done. Grief really hit somewhat later, I suppose I was sort of going though the motions of waht I'd done before and htat delayed things a bit.
I'm whole again now, although that grief is still a thing inside, the subsequent feelings of my life since then are wrapped around it and allow me to see it in a different way, with fondness, enjoying happy moments as well as having sadness.
There is no time-table, no set number of stages of grief, no order thins happen in or how you feel. It is the hardest part of life and you do not 'handle it'. You struggle and survive the best you can
The real core of Moon is still there, masked by grief ,fear, probably anger and feeling lost.
You will adapt and gradually a New Moon (sorry about that, even in a most serious matter my humor takes control) who will be very similar to the old one, not quite the same, but equally attractive and able to have fun.
Finally, grief is a natural process and is not that likely to turn into clinical depression. Grief is a response to something horrible - you endure.
Hang in there Moon, it will be fine
Croix
