Breaking the cycle

[Mumof291]

So my whole life has been depression and anxiety. Since I was a child I've been surrounded by it. Parents,grandparents,aunty's, uncles my siblings and then the last 15 years I've been fighting my own  battle. But when I hit 30 2 years ago my battle became a full on war. Seeing my 8 year old suffer anxiety and procrastination is breaking my heart. So I finally have a goal in life and that is to fix myself so I can "break the cycle" because I feel that everything I say and do influences my children and I can't let it keep going for their sake. Probably sound ridiculous but I'm going to try

[best_self]

I think it's amazing you're able to identify these issues early on and can help your child have the best go at living a rich fulfilling life.

I'm only now fully understanding and putting language to my anxiety in my late 20s. It's something that's been with me since childhood but I never knew what it was, why I was procrastinating etc.

Having an informed and supportive parent is such an asset to your 8 year old. I love that being a healthy role model is motivating you to improve your own mental health. There is nothing ridiculous about what you've said. It's grounded and achievable. Wishing you the best and thank you for sharing!

[Mumof291]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It was a blessing in disguise when I logged in this morning. 🙏  also good for you for finding your language. Now that you understand what's happening, you too can find the tools you need to get through. The hard part for me is now to figure out where to start 🤔.  We got this xxx

[Janie223]

Good for you!! This is so encouraging to read. I hope things are going well for you! 

[Horndog]

Aw, that sound so sad. Hope you and your child get better.

[ellem]

Does not sound ridiculous at all!! I wish I had recognized my own issues when my son was that age. Mine is now 26 - he is thriving now - but a few years ago he wasn't, due to anxiety and probably depression. We didn't know that's what it was. Mostly because of issues in my own past that made me believe the stigma of mental health. I learned to wear a mask so effective I believed I was living my best life. I wasn't. It came crashing down around me, but that is what helped my son. And it also helped me.

Still figuring it out, but my son is now thriving because he does not have the stigma issues I do, and is able to talk about his emotions, something I am still learning to do. Hell - I am having trouble just understanding some of the things I feel because I have never felt them before. (I am going through perimenopause and this has messed me up and made me face it)  I do not want to shut myself off again. I want to understand myself.

I am doing a deep dive into myself and why I am the way I am. I know a lot of it is past trauma - and due to the stigma issues - I even have trouble writing that in a public forum. Like my issues aren't worthy of being called trauma. But that is the word 'they' use now.

My natural instinct is to shut down and close off, but I now have a goal too, because my fear of pushing my son and his partner away is greater than my fear of facing it - and that is what is helping me work through it.

I actually have two goals, and it is my second goal that has given me renewed purpose. I like to write stories. It has always been my escape. I am working on a middle grade story (when my hormonal brain allows me to work on it, and in those rare moments where I override the bully in my head telling me I'm not good enough despite some small successes as a writer) to help kids who were like me, so they know they are not alone, and can feel seen, and to help give them the sort of tools that would have benefited kids like me when I was young.

And because I liked fantasy stories best, I am writing a fantasy. Mental health has been covered a lot in in middle grade in 'real life' type stories, but not much in fantasy, the sort of books that would have appealed to me as a kid.

On that note, I was wondering if your child, as my target audience (it has been a very long time since I was 8 and quite a while since my son was) would be interested in telling me - via you - the sorts of things they would believe would help them in a book?

My main character is a girl who is about 11, who has no friends, struggles with anxiety and self-doubt, and overthinks everything. But she has to overcome it 'enough' to save her people. I say 'enough', because there is no magic 'solution' - it's a process, and I'm not sure it ever truly goes away.

I am terrified of writing it and getting it wrong (procrastination in its worst form) but feel driven to do it. I understand if you or your child are not interested. No pressure. If they are - or anyone else who might happen to have read this far, I would love to hear your thoughts or your child's thoughts on this.