Hello to anyone reading this.
I am currently writing this post at around 4 am about nearly two weeks into the hard lockdown in Melbourne. I don't know where to turn to.
I feel absolutely gutted. I feel like I am going to vomit. I can barely sleep now. Most days I sleep when the sun rises and wake up in the afternoons. There is no joy in my actions or emotions now. I feel like going to zero to 100 at any second and I barely keep it together anymore.
There are two specific people, from above, that I loathe, hate and despise more than than anything else in the world right now. And as we all read the news these days, people will know which two exact people I am talking about, and I will not name names. As I sit here typing this post, it is coming back to me. The anger, the rage at everything. The sadness and the crying. Every time I think about this situation we are in, it always goes back to those. two. people.
I feel so helpless. I have tried to do everything right. Follow lockdown orders, wear masks, socially distance, stay home. I got vaccinated, my family got vaccinated. But nothing happened. All because of these two people.
These two... people. I can't explain my rage at them. But all I know is that they failed our country. They failed every single one of us. All because of games they played and the choices they never too because they were too emboldened by their own minds. And I am enraged by that fact. They had the chance to never let Delta entrench itself into Australia, yet they did absolutely nothing. I can't put into words how angry it all makes me feel. I just cannot do it. If I did, I will be scared of myself at the words I will be saying. My rage at this is all encompassing of my being, my soul, my life. I can barely look at pictures or think without crying my eyes out or flying into a rage.
I feel like my life has been derailed forever. I don't see a way out for us at all. The entirety of the western world is opening up, concerts, festivals, normal life. And here we are, stuck behind a closed border, everything is closed and rolling lockdowns will become a fact of life. All because we never got enough vaccines and those two people. I don't know when we will be able to even return back to a normal life. Delta will ruin us. And yet... they don't care.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't sit here anymore. I can't cope with any of this any more. I can barely function as is. I don't know what's left for us. We're done for.
