Would anyone want an anxious doctor

[Kelizabeth]

I’m 9 months in to my first year working as a doctor and the pressure to perform is immense. You come out of uni and you think you know things but then day in day out you’re dealing with breaking bad news, working hours past finish, having bosses chastise you for basically not reading their minds, having nurses and administrators on your back constantly about getting people in and out of the hospital and perhaps worse having the people you’re trying to help abuse you.

ive just started working in ED and the absurd 4 hour in/out rule means I’m often the sacrificial lamb for specialists who want to meet their performance indicators. Asked to make phone calls to admit patients without all the information or inappropriately on the whim of the boss. Fortunately for them they’re not on the receiving end of the all too common anger and “you’re below me” attitude of the seniors you call.

To be honest i feel like I’m a tightly wound spring just about to release and it scares me. I have no plans to end my life but I’ve felt disappointed when I’ve woken up in the morning for another shift, so unhappy I’ve just wanted to disappear. I’ve already ended up in hospital myself this week with a heart arrhythmia and my mental and physical health is suffering.

what are you supposed to do when you’ve worked so hard for so long for something only to realise it’s making you sick...and who in reality wants an anxious or depressed doctor.

[White_Rose]

Dear Kelizabeth

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to learn you are having such an anxious time. I imagine working in ED on your first solo job would be very challenging. How did you go while you were training? I have heard it said about many jobs that require a long training period that when the formal training is completed you feel you are ready to tackle whatever comes along. Then you find that the real training is on the job. Impossible to get training for every potential situation.

In your case you are managing the health and well being of people where a mistake can be disastrous. Naturally you want to do the best you can. I can appreciate how worrying this can be at times. Local guidelines are there to get through the number of people who present to the ED everyday but they add huge pressures to someone just starting out.This is one aspect of medicine you only find out on the job.

Do you have a mentor for your first year or so? I do not know what happens behind the scenes in ED as I have only been a patient and have always found the doctors and nurses appear competent. It's probably true that many new doctors are concerned about performing their jobs well. You are a conscientious person who wants to make sure everything has been done and to a high standard. (No pressure then?)

I asked about a mentor as I thought there would be someone to discuss how you are going and what, if any, problems you are having. Is there anyone in the hospital who has this role? Or another doctor you feel comfortable talking to? How do other doctors manage these time constraints etc? Sorry about the questions. I am thinking out loud about possibilities.

Being anxious is not helping you work effectively and it becomes a circle of difficulties resulting in more anxiety and more difficulties etc. But then you already know this. Does your hospital have any mental health staff? It may be useful to talk to one of them or see a private psychologist. I suggested someone in the hospital environment as they would also have a knowledge of how the hospital operates.

I hope this has been helpful. Please continue to post in if you wish.

Mary

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi kelizabeth,

Thank you for your post. Sorry to hear that you're struggling; it sounds like you are under immense pressure and expectations that feel way too high. It's no wonder that you have anxiety! Honestly I would imagine that everyone in the same position as yourself has some anxiety as well; it sounds like it's very overwhelming.

What do you think that you need to feel more in control and on top of things? Mary/White Rose suggested a psychologist - you could potentially look at EAP (Employee Assistance Programs), which allow a number of free (and totally confidential) sessions. The psychologists connected with EAP will be much more likely to have seen colleagues just like yourself and can hopefully give you some coping tips and tools.

You said in your post 'who in reality wants to see an anxious or depressed doctor?' and if I can take that and reframe it to 'who wants to see a hard working doctor who happens to struggle with anxiety and depression?' There's a huge difference. If you were to browse the forums it won't take long to see members who've tried to talk to their doctors about their mental health and had doctors that are anything from unkind, rude, cold, uncaring to just plain apathetic. My guess is that most of these doctors have no experience working with mental health, and certainly no insight into anxiety and depression.

I hope that by sharing this you can see that what you're experiencing can be a strength and not just a struggle. Dealing with your own experiences can help others deal with theirs; making you a better doctor altogether.

RT

[White_Rose]

Hello Kelizabeth

Dropping by to see how you are going. Have the above posts been helpful at all? If not perhaps you can talk to us some more and help us to help you.

Would love to know how you are going.

Mary

[Summer Rose]

Hi Kelizabeth

Congratulations on making it through medical school. You are obviously very smart, hard working and dedicated. Not a great surprise then to learn that you are also very human.

Anyone can experience anxiety or depression. And you know better than most that, while people may fall sick they also get better with the right treatment. I really think, as others have already suggested, that it would be helpful for you to speak with a professional about how you are feeling.

And, yes, I would want to see an anxious doctor. My GP openly speaks to me about her life struggles and how she stays mentally healthy. Her honesty is refreshing and I know she "gets it" and this makes her a better doctor.

Thirty years ago, fresh out of uni, I landed my first job as a reporter with a metropolitan daily newspaper. One of my first stories involved a suspicious death and I had to contact the grieving family. I was riddled with anxiety and sick about making the call but had no choice with a deadline looming.

I got through it but more of the same followed and I realised I was in the wrong place. Radio followed and I went back to print later and have switched career paths many times over the years, although everything I have worked at has involved writing.

I'm sharing this story because it's possible that the ED just isn't the right place for you right now. It's even possible that emergency medicine may never be for you. That's okay too. It may take time to find the right place for you to work.

Is this a learning rotation that's part of your training or a permanent role? Would you want to speak with HR about a potential change? Just something to consider.

Kind thoughts to you