The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that's challenging you in so many different ways. I feel for you so much.
I think sometimes it can be so hard to get a really accurate sense of or feel for everything involved in a particular challenge. While some things can be obvious, other factors not so much. Being able to identify (based on past experience with DV) what it's like to be led to fear/dread confrontation is one factor. To be able to feel the scales tipping toward overwhelm, to a breathtaking or suffocating degree, is another. To be able to feel the serious need or push for guidance and support at such a time is a third. Btw, 'How the heck do I manage what I've never had to manage before?' is a really valid question. So glad the answer came to you while guiding you to see your GP and also come here.
I don't think members of management are always fully conscious of the ways in which they manage or mismanage. While they may think 'This is not my problem. It's the role of the employee to be managing this', this can equal a dismissive way of managing. While they may believe 'This is a necessary way of managing cost cutting or reform', this can equal extreme stress and overload for the employee. It can be so incredibly frustrating, anxiety inducing and even depressing in some cases to be on the receiving end of people managing in a number of highly questionable ways. It's the employee further down the chain who ends up taking on the load that comes with such questionable forms of management. I should add that members of management putting the responsibility back on the employee, can actually be labeled as 'Justifying passing the buck'.
I've found that when overwhelm, stress and frustration turn into intolerance, it's a start. When that intolerance turns into a healthy and constructive form of anger then that's seriously intense fuel for change. While I have a brilliant person I work with once say to me 'Acceptance is so important when it comes to adapting', I 100% agreed while adding 'Until things become unacceptable'. Last Thursday I handed in my resignation based on not only facing what I feel as unacceptable but also as an enraging form of management. While a new company took over the business I've worked in for some years (a truly brilliant one, where the original owners retired), the question that's played on my mind since the takeover was 'Can I work for/with these people?'. Last week I reached the conclusion 'No. I'm done'. I think possibly the most important question we can ask ourself when it comes to any role we take on, whether that be in a job or a personal relationship, 'Is it slowly destroying me?'. If the answer is 'Yes', the next question offers a sense of direction, 'Is there opportunity to work with it and reform it in constructive ways?'. If the answer is 'No', then it's time to leave it. If the answer is 'Yes', then it's about working on ways to reform it and ourself. Whether there's the need for a break, to be able to step back and reassess, this can mark the beginning of such reformation. You sound exhausted and in desperate need of a break. Btw (regarding my job), when each employee was called into the office to discuss how we felt about the changes in the workplace, there were two members of management present. Quite the vibe, for sure. Not only does that have a 'two against one' kind of feel to it where management support each other, as opposed to supporting you, it also has a 'rapid fire questioning' feel to it where there's not enough time to mentally process each question. While there may be time to offer basic answers, there's not always enough time to offer detailed and thoughtful responses. You can leave there thinking 'What the hell just happened?'. A request for a one on one meeting should be met with consideration and respect. Choosing the member of management we're most comfortable with may entail approaching them personally and expressing the need for a meeting with them. Sometimes it's about having a choice.
Hope all goes well with the psychologist visits and you find exactly the guidance you need.
