Debilitating anxiety moving out of home

[Louanna_4]

Hello, first time posting here but I’m totally at a loss. 
Last November I bought a house with my partner of 9 years. We both lived with our respective parents up until then (10 mins away from each other and still saw each other/stayed over all the time) and we’d been saving for this for years. But as soon as we bought it, I suddenly had this horrific anxiety come over me, and it’s been coming in waves ever since. Currently I’ve been experiencing this particular bout for 9 days, and I can’t stop crying and overthinking and spiralling. I’m devastated to move out (I’ve lived in my home all my life, never moved), and I’m scared we made the wrong choice and I’m not ready/can’t do it. My anxiety is also making me spiral into wondering if my partner is wrong for me, and that’s the real cause of my anxiety. Would I feel better about this new chapter with a different person? I feel so deeply sad and heavy and miserable, and I can’t stop crying. I’m avoiding my new house and my partner, and I don’t know how to move forward. Wondering if anyone’s felt the same or has any advice? Thank you in advance. 

[Croix]

Dear Louanna_4~

I'd like to welcome you here ot the Forum, a good place talk things out with others.

Leaving the home you have always lived in and having your parents around is a huge step in a person's life, going from that to it being just you and your partner.

So it is natural to worry about the change, however feeling sad, miserable and can't stop crying together with all the "what if's" that anxiety brings is doing you no good, and probable not your partner either if you are avoiding him.

Can I suggest you seek medical advice, going to your GP and setting out how you feel and what has been happening. It may be you need assistance to overcome your anxiety.  I had anxiety about something else and could not make myself better, I went to the  doctor, had medication and therapy and it made a real difference.

Another thing to try is to talk with one of our 24/7 councilors who can be very understanding and helpful

I would think that worrying about having the right partner after 9 years may be one of those "what if's" generated by your anxiety I mentioned before as would be avoiding him and the new house.

May I ask if you have talked over this with your partner? After so long together I'd expect he would have noticed something was amiss. He too may be feeling worried about the move as it may be just as big a thing for him.

Even after the move your parents will still be there for you, you will not be alone. Life can be so much better than how you are at the moment.

If you felt like coming back and saying how you get on that would be great.

Croix

[Pamela1234]

hey ya , Hun I am thinking its a big step regardless of age . It's change and a big change . If it were me , Id back off, Id take a step back ... Dont push yourself into doing something your clearly not ready for ..  I am sure given time things will come to light that Id doubt your seeing clearly now especially being so anxious about the move .....  put it on the back burner , if its to late, rent it out .  Explain to your other half your just not ready, palm if off on another attribute if you need to . 

[Croix]

Dear @Louanna_4 ~

As you are in a difficult situation I'm just popping in to see how you are managing (no need to reply if you'd rather not

Croix

[Louanna_4]

Hi Croix,

Thank you so much for responding, and for following up. It’s quite amazing to think a total stranger has taken the time to listen to how I’m feeling and offered their support. It really means more than I can express. 

I did end up speaking to my GP and got a referral to speak to a psychologist, which I am yet to book in. The reason being that a few days after posting, my anxiety lifted and I felt a lot more clarity and even excitement/contentment with this new development. I’m beginning to think my terrible anxiety is actually a very unfortunate symptom of PMS and is hormone-related. 

I did speak to my partner about it and he was wonderfully patient and understanding as always. He supports me in seeing my psych, when I get round to it. For now, I’m very happy to report that I feel ok, and any worries I have are very manageable.

Thank you again for your thoughtful, kind advice. It really made a difference. 

Wishing you all the best. 

[Louanna_4]

Hello Pamela1234,

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. It’s so nice to feel heard and validated in my feelings.

I am happy to report I’m feeling a lot better these days, and my anxiety is mostly gone. 

It made a big difference to read your response and others, so thank you for taking the time to offer your kindness and support to a stranger. 

Thank you and all the very best to you. 

[Croix]

Dear Louanna_4~

Thanks a heap for your good wishes, it means a lot as not everybody comes back or shows it has helped.

I guess it can be hard to know what is your body and what is caused by mental issues. If your suspicions are correct it may be cheering as you my look forward to better times quite quickly

Even so I"m glad you have organized a psychologist, they may be able to assist whatever the cause, if it hormones then that might be alleviated too, or at least give you some coping strategies. I'm also glad your partner is understanding and supportive.

This is something I feel very lucky to have too.

You know you will be welcome here anytime

Croix