Work anxiety taking over my life

[EllsieElizabeth]

Questions: Is it me/my anxiety or is it my boss/workplace? Will quitting and finding a new job relieve my anxiety? Or will I find the same anxiety issues/be unhappy where ever I go?

Details: I am in my mid 20s and I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. My anxiety goes up and down; really bad for months, then really good for months/years. For the last few years I have been pretty good, hardly any anxiety attacks, that was until recently when I was blindsided in my 3 month probation review at my new job. I thought I was doing an excellent job and meeting expectations, the review was not good, basically saying my professionalism and attendance were the only things I was meeting expections on, none of my other tasks I have completed successfully were mentioned. She has extended my probation for another 3 months and review from there. Now I feel I can’t trust my boss, I feel like because I wasn’t her pick (HR and her boss picked me) I will never be good enough, she is terrible at communicating (example: every Friday at around 4pm I get an urgent request to sort something which takes hours to sort, I am meant to finish at 4pm) she also never gives feedback even when I ask for it.

From that day of the review I have anxiety attacks every morning, and have anxiety 100% of my days. I can hardly eat, I am not sleeping very well; go to sleep at midnight, up at 2am, go back to sleep at 4am, alarm for work at 6am. I can never stop thinking about work/meeting expectations, can’t stop thinking about all the things I’ve stuffed up, can’t focus properly, and it is effecting my long term relationship with my boyfriend. Basically, I feel overwhelmed 100% of the time. Work have set out too many daily tasks to fit into my schedule, and I have raised this with my boss and HR asking for assistance and I receive no support. My boss also never has time to catch up or have a meeting with me and she is always out of the office. I also do huge hours, overtime not paid (salary) and I feel like I am being set up to fail.

To add to my work stresses my dad is about to die from cancer, last few weeks of his life. I haven’t had the mental strength to see him for a few months now, he has brain cancer and is hugely different to the father I use to know...he’s pretty confused, has no hair or beard, plus in a wheel chair.

I want to quit work now, but I can’t due to depts. So I have to suck it up, but I am really struggling and need guidence.

[PamelaR]

Hello EllsieElizabeth

You are having a difficult time at the moment, with your work review and your dad. I'm pleased that you have found Beyond Blue (BB) forums to look for ways to help yourself. You should feel very good about that. People here are friendly, supportive, caring and respect one's privacy.

I too have suffered anxiety most of my life, especially in the workplace. I use to find it so important for myself to get feedback about how I was performing. Otherwise I'd make things up in my own head - which were frequently incorrect I might add. It is interesting that your direct supervisor/manager waited till the end of your probation period to talk with you about your performance. That's not a very good management style. My own preferred method was to discuss matters as they arose and look at ways to improve on particular tasks.

Also, it sounds that because of these 4pm Friday tasks come at 4pm - is that because of the nature of your work. Do these tasks have to be completed before you leave? I know of a few roles that I can see this happening and there isn't much you can do about it - that's the nature of the work.

How do others in the office get on with your immediate Manager?

I'm imagining also, that your father's current health is causing some pain for you which may impact on how you are approaching work. But this is only natural!! Losing a parent is very difficult and to see it happen slowly and painfully is so heart wrenching. I also wonder if you're feeling guilty because you're not visiting as regularly as you might like because 'he isn't as you remembered him'. My heart goes out to you Ellsie. How hard is that? I can understand so well why you don't want to see him that way but at the same time think you should. Be kind to yourself. Do what you can.

I take it you have a doctor you see about your anxiety. Do you also see a counsellor/psychologist to assist you?

Maybe there are others who are reading this post that can share their experience if they have been through a similar path?

Let us know how you get on or if you want further information.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[EllsieElizabeth]

Thank you Pamela for responding so thoughtfully, sometimes I feel so alone when suffering from anxiety because I personally don’t know anyone else who has it. It feels good to know I am not alone.

Yes those late afternoon tasks given to me have to be completed before I go home, we are project based and we are the only two in the operations department. These late tasks are often unacheivable due to time zones and suppliers already being closed for the weekend. She often goes home before I do saying “if you haven’t found a resolution before you go home, send me all the details and status, I will work it out over the weekend”. But she never sorts it out over the weekend and it causes major issues on the Monday, that I have to sort out.

I am not sure how my boss gets on with other departments behind meeting closed doors. I have however noticed when ever she wants a follow up or ask something from someone I have to do the leg work/ask for her. Due to our staff being mostly male she is quite flirtatious which most of them enjoy.

My dads health is pretty hard to deal with, but he has had cancer for many many years, so we knew it was coming, we have had time to prepare if that makes sense.

Have you ever found going to a new job has improved your anxiety?

Due to working such big hours I can never book an appointment with the doctor or therapist. Their opening hours clash with my hours. They are not open weekends either.

[PamelaR]

Hello EllsieElizabeth

Thank you so much for getting back to BB.

You ask a very good question 'Have you ever found going to a new job has improved your anxiety'. To be truthful NO it hasn't for me. Though my last job I really loved the work and the people. However, my anxiety still hit the roof. It generally had nothing to do with the place or the people, it all had to do with me.

Anxiety isn't easy to live with and I emphasise with you. The work environment can be particularly difficult at times to help with your ongoing management.

I often find the underlying reason for anxiety, does not lay with what you think is the cause - that is your work environment. It's something else. In a way that is why I suggested you find a doctor and therapist. To help you work out what is causing you the anxiety. It may well be that it is work - but hey, why not get it confirmed.

Doctor's surgeries are becoming more work friendly and I know of ones open until 10pm and open again at 6am. Also, I've found many have a Saturday morning surgery till 12pm. Specifically targeting the people with difficult work hours. In terms of therapist, yes, you're right, I don't know of many who can help with odd hours, though you can talk this through with both your doctor. Tell them your circumstances and work out a convenient time.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[EllsieElizabeth]

I am heading interstate for work for two weeks, but I am going to make it a priority to book an appointment with my doctor as soon as I get back. I am not going to lie I am kind of scared of going on medication, I’ve been on medication before and although it made me happier to a point, I put on a lot of weight which as a female gives you a whole other mental issue to deal with. It’s very had for me to decifer if it’s just a bad boss or it’s my own thoughts swirling around my head making an okay situation bad. Thank you so much for your input, I really appreciate it.