Work anxiety and intrusive thoughts

[Rosie22]

I recently got promoted into a position where I am running a care program before and after school. Because the service is so small and at max accommodates 5 students there is only one educator (me) at the setting every shift. These shifts run from 7-9am and 3-6pm. I am alone at the school until around 8.30am (which is when teachers show up) and I am alone after 4.30pm (when teachers depart for the day). My anxiety is stemming from the hours I spend alone at the school. It is relatively rural and is in a town that lacks a police station. It is surrounded by farmland and has few houses around.

This is where my anxiety comes in. Lately I have been having intrusive thoughts of an intruder coming in and harming me or the children. There is no one around that would be able to save me or hear me if I screamed. The service is too small and low budget to be able to install security cameras, alarms or other equipment. My training basically tells me to lock the doors and hide if an intruder comes. I am 21F with barely any muscle. I don't trust that I could fight anyone off. I am having extreme thoughts of dying at work or someone coming to kill me when I lock up. Everyone I talk to tells me the chances of that happening are low. I just keep thinking that its never impossible. Initially I asked my Fiancé to drive there at night and ensure I make it safely to my car. But unfortunately his work schedule and a 20 min drive isn't feasible long-term.

I don't know what to do. I feel like everyone around me would be disappointed if I quit or requested another location (it's well paying). I've committed to getting married in October so it's not the smartest financial decision either. It's hard to talk about because everyone goes on and on about the low chances of it happening. I'm lost and feel so so alone.

[Petal22]

Hi Rosie22,

Wellcome to our forums!

Thank you for being so open about your intrusive thoughts.

Im really sorry that you are going through this, it’s a very cruel thing to go through.

I had horrible intrusive thoughts they terrified me I was always in a highly anxious state………… the thoughts and images would repeat and torment me.

I seeked professional help for what I was going through from a gp through to a psychiatrist……… I was diagnosed with OCD….. obsessive compulsive disorder… it’s an anxiety disorder.

I did a group therapy for this disorder it taught me many skills…… I learned to master my OCD and I’ve now recovered.

Your really not alone.

I understand how distressing this feels.

I recommend that you see a gp so you can do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist…. Please see a clinical psychologist a normal psychologist can’t diagnose or see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis.

You can learn to manage what you are currently going through.

Hang in there

[Sophie_M]

Hi Rosie22, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that you have been having such extreme thoughts of dying at work or someone coming to hurt you. We can only imagine how scary these thoughts must be, especially having to manage them on your own. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. 

[Petal22]

Hi Rosie22,

As Sophie M has said you don’t have to go through this alone.

Please chat to us anytime.

I understand when you said that you find it hard to talk to others about it because of what they say with it being low chances…….. the people who are saying this probably aren’t experiencing anxiety.

When we experience high anxiety in my lived experience of having anxiety OCD our anxiety levels are heightened due to the intrusive thoughts we then begin to question the thoughts and analyse them…… it keeps going in a vicious cycle….. what if thoughts……. ( I experienced this with OCD)……. I’d tell people my thoughts at the time as a way of seeking re assurance, I’d get the reassurance the anxiety would go down but only for a short time and then it would all begin again…… it was exhausting…..

I was feeling very distressed within myself…… to others my thoughts seemed irrational but to me they seemed irrational but felt very real…

Please chat to me anytime and ask me any questions

Your not alone