When Panic Attacks... Attack

[Panicked87]

Hi all,

I am 31 years old, happily married to my husband of 10 years, mother to a beautiful boy who’s 8, work full time in a busy successful job in management, have a dog, rescue blind kitten and 2 chickens.

I have so many great things in my life that I am very fortunate to have and love dearly.

But I’m sitting here quietly on the couch watching tv feeling like I am having a heart attack and that this is it. This is the time I am actually having a heart attack.

But I know I’m not ‘actually’ having a heart attack and that all of this is in my head. Unfortunately, the physical sensations that occur during these panic attacks feed my ‘panic’ even more - it’s a vicious cycle. The more I feel the sensations, the more I believe that the symptoms are real.

The craziest part - sometimes my known trigger sets it off (I have a fear of choking and so a chunk of food can set me) but lately, there has not even been a trigger. Like right now - I’m sitting on the couch, cuddled with my son, and I just felt the blood drain from my face and now I feel overwhelmed and fearful, with my heart racing, legs shaking and irrational thoughts playing chasey in my head. But they are none the wiser.

My husband and recently my Mum are aware that I suffer panic attacks almost daily and have done so for quite some time. But I try not to make a big deal of it as I don’t want to let them down. So I don’t tell them much - just enough so they know what’s going on if I get up and walk outside randomly, or feel my breath on the back of my hand to check that I can still breathe.

How do I tell someone that I feel like I’m actually dying at random times of the day? That my thoughts manifest into physical symptoms which in turn, further feeds my irrational thoughts, all whilst I’m sitting at my desk typing an email. How would someone understand when they’ve never experienced what it’s life to feel that ‘dread’.

I’m feeling pretty alone in my own head at the moment and not sure where to turn from here. I don’t want to go down the medication route and too scared to talk to someone professsionally. I use The Smiling Mind app, meditate, do yoga, deep breaths etc. but lately they don’t appear to work.

For those who have panic attacks, how do you cope when the cycle become too much?

I appreciate any advice. Thank you.

[Ggrand]

Hello panicked..

Welcome to the forums,

Im so really sorry it’s taken so long for you to get a reply....

I can relate to your panic attacks, so well, managing them by yourself is so very difficult..I know you said you would prefer not the medical side of it..but I’m wondering if you could speak to your gp, and let him/her know what’s happening to you...Your gp can give you some really good advise on how to manage them....

When I have one I start deep breathing counting in for 5...breath in 1-2-3-4-5-....breathe out...R-E-L-A-X...keep repeating..I also have a grounding box, a few around my home, in my car, for if I’m st work or driving my car and one Starts I get out my grounding box and use that...

I think it’s very hard for anyone who hasn’t had a panic attack to understand about them ...My last few panic attacks went beyond panic and then went into over breathing.. or hypoventalating..I ended up in hospital for those...Now I’m very cautious about getting to them early and I find deep controlled counted breathing works best for me.. I also do put my ear phones in then selan instrumental piece of music , no vocal select an instrument and concerntrate fully on that instrument right through to the end of the song..by fully concerntrating on the instrument your thoughts are off your panic attack and well for me it also calms me down...These are just a couple of suggestions....

The thread for learning about grounding and making little boxes is called...”Gounding What is it and how do we”..you can search for it too right corner this page in the search engine....

I hope I helped you in some way.. There are some threads on panic attacks with helpful advise....Im sure others will pop in and have a chat with you as well... your thread will be bumped up to the front page.. so others can see and come in to give you some of their insight...again I’m really sorry it’s taken so long to reply...

Kind thoughts,

Grandy...

[PamelaR]

Hi Panicked - welcome to our community

Thank you for sharing your story. From all you say, you have life very well sorted. It's just those pesky panic attacks that get to you? I understand because I too suffer panic attack.

You are doing so many good things - yoga, focussed breathing, meditating. Well done! These are excellent things to help when the panic starts. Though, one thing I've learnt over time is - unless I've get to the bottom of why I have an attack, these mechanisms (tools) don't do much good in calming me down.

Triggers are tricky. It's taken me years to get to the bottom of some of them. This is because the time lapse between trigger and symptoms (i.e. palpatating heart, perspiring, shaking etc). I have to really search for what has sparked the latest panic. It's hard work, but it has become so much easier since I've been seeing my most recent psychologist.

I realise that you don't want to see someone. Is it okay if I ask why? I have seen a health professional on and off now for over the past 20 years for various things that have occurred during my life. The experiences I've had with them are all good (except for the minor one or two).

What I've found interesting since joining the BB community is how we're all different. What works for one may not work for someone else. Though there is one thing that I think is the same for most of us is that it is essential to find the route cause of the fear. Then to manage that cause, through whatever techniques work for you.

Things that trigger me are - news reports, violence in tv programs (or anyone form, e.g. next door neighbours having an aggressive fight), sight of checked shirts, loud unexpected noises. That's not the end of the trigger though, it's the thoughts that go with it. They are the important things I have to identify and to change!

For instance, yesterday I was out shopping and saw a checked shirt in the shop. Bang, as soon as I looked at it I said to myself. You're going to be triggered here. Sure enough a couple of shops later, I was perspiring, running out of the shop leaving my hubby behind. I STOPPED, said to myself - your SAFE, it's okay. Looked around to GROUND myself. I did calm down eventually.

It's great to hear your partner and your mum know. These days, now I understand what is happening. I tell my hubby immediately. Like yesterday, I just pointed to the checked shirt. Hubby put his arm around me! No words needed.

Hope some of this helps Panicked.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Panicked87]

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I appreciate all the advice given and I agree with trying to determine the exact triggers that heighten my anxiety levels and set off a panic attack.

I seem to struggle with negative news reports, medical shows or articles along with the physical sensations of something on my throat (which makes me feel like I’m choking).

I guess I’m just to scared of death/dying to be honest - of leaving my loved ones and missing out on growing old or with them and what it would feel like.

What is preventing me from reaching out to my GP? I think still in a point of denial - that isn’t not really that bad and that I don’t want anyone to know.

If I’m brutally honest... my Mum has bipolar and manic depression and spent a large part of my life between hospitals and mental health facilities - both on a volunteer or ‘committed’ basis. I love my mother dearly but it was tough - she had ECT done whilst committed and sh was never the same afterwards. She’s attempted suicide a few times and I unfortunately witnessed an episode when I was nine.

I would not ask for a better Mum, but in the same turn, I have spent my whole life trying to do the opposite of everything she has done (she had 4 kids, I have one; she was a stay at home Mum, I work full time; she was never active, I run a lot; she is an alcoholic, I don’t drink; She is addicted to pain medication, I can’t barely take a panadol). So, if I admit to myself that I suffer mental illness... I’m more like her than I realise... and that scares me.

This is probably the most frank conversation I’ve ever had with anyone and I guess the anonymity helps. I just don’t feel ready to talk to someone face to face.

Although I know my panic attacks are increasing in frequency and severity and would really benefit from seeing a psychologist - I’m just scared of what I’ll discover.

And that’s it in a nutshell.

Thank you again for your time and response.

[Panicked87]

Thank you Grandy for taking the time to respond to my post.

I appreciate the suggestion and will certainly look into Grounding and the grounding box. It is not something I have heard of previously, but I will give anything a go at this point - especially where others have benefited from it.

Thank you again for your support.

[Northernstar]

Hi panicked,

i just wanted to say that I have the exact same trigger (dying and leaving my kids alone) and it was key to my massive panic attack weekend that landed me in the ER, then the cardio ward back in August. I didn’t know it wasn’t my heart at the time and swore I was dying and leaving my kids without me.

That event has led to my current issues with anxiety. I posted about it here so you can see how it all unfolded.

I’m going to likely start meds and intensive CBT because my life is so difficult right now and my kids need me functional and need their mum back. I’ve been doing all the other stuff (exercise, meditation, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, counselling) and it’s helped but I’m not there yet.

Just wanted to say that you’re not alone in this.

[PamelaR]

Hi Panicked

Thank you for sharing your story even though you really struggle with telling it. You're marvellous for doing this. There is absolutely no pressure on you to say anything you don't want. As you'll have read elsewhere this is safe place so everything you've said will remain here.

My heart goes out to you. How strong and resilient you are to have made the choices about how you wanted to be. I'm very proud of you. You are inspirational.

In the sharing of your story above, I think there are quite a number of indicators of what could be your triggers. It's clear to me that you are probably aware of these but are struggling with the realities of them. As you say, you're not ready to acknowledge them. In hindsight I was probably very much like you. I never started looking at my triggers until I was middle aged. The reality was I had to. Life could not go on as it was, my ways of dealing with conflict, love, and everything else were not good. Making the hard choice of seeing someone was difficult. It started with something obscure, but it eventually began to address my childhood traumas.

My mother too had a mental illness, though in those days it was never identified and/or diagnosed. She had a significant personality disorder (I suspect a narscisstic personality and was also a pedophile) which has meant all we children have had a lot to deal with ourselves. As I grew up I wanted to be everything she wasn't (as you say about yourself) and I've succeded - thank goodness. However, I am left with PTSD, anxiety and depression which are managed by myself, doctor, health professional (psychologist), and hubby. I couldn't do it on my own anymore.

While we have no children, anxiety, life and full time work took it's toll. I retired last year (a year earlier than I planned), but my resilience was starting to faulter a little and needed to take care of me for a change. So that's what I'm doing now, along with hubby and our two demanding felines.

Once you make the choice to start looking at the source of your anxiety, it will take time to recover and heal. Just remember, it will get better. It does get better and life is so good on the other side. My hand and heart goes out to you Panicked.

Kind regards

PamelaR