When Nothing Works

[Lillipilligirl]

Hi Everyone,


I have lived with anxiety my whole life (I’m 40 years old) and it ebbs and flows in strength but it’s always there. Depression is there too sometimes but that also comes and goes. These two things have greatly impacted my life to the point where I attempted suicide 13 years ago. After that attempt, I told myself I would never do that again and I have come to a point where I know anxiety and depression will always be there.


I have found nothing actually helps and I have tried it all it would seem. I have been to see professionals. Obtained the doctor’s referral, gone to different psychologists over the years and I just don’t find therapy does a single thing for me. In fact, I often feel worse afterwards. A couple of years ago I bit the bullet and decided to go to a highly recommended psychologist at $500 per session and I had to commit to 6. After $3,000 I may as well have splurged on something nice as it was no help whatsoever.


I reached out to a couple of friends (when I used to have close friends) - people just don’t want to know or feel too uncomfortable to help. My diet is pretty good, I exercise, I try to go out to meet people but my anxiety makes me awkward. I’ve tried supplements, ringing hotlines, praying, different spiritualities, mindfulness, meditation...and other things I can’t remember right now. The only good things in my life are my animals, my home in the countryside and my mum, brother and sister who live not too far away. I have a very successful career, but that also comes with enormous anxiety and in fact I’d rather be a stay-at-home mum in all honesty. But with no glimmer of hope of a husband there’s not much chance of that.


I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m exhausted of trying and failing to find anything that helps. I get frustrated when I see media campaigns telling people to ring a number or go see a professional because for some of us those things don’t work.


What I really want is to have meaningful relationships with people close to me and I just seem incapable of that other than with my immediate family.


Is there anyone else who tried it all with little success? Did someone actually find something that worked?

[jess334]

Hi Lillipilligirl,

I have long term anxiety and depression too. I understand that point where you just have to accept that it is always going to be there. Unfortunately it's a lot easier to accept when my anxiety is at a low ebb. The last year it has been high & I have really struggled to let it be.

You say you have tried lots of things. I'm just curious if you have tried anti anxiety medication?

I have found that different solutions work for me at different times of my life. Anti depressants, psychologists, supplements, mindfulness, exercise, and diet. I found that they all helped a tiny bit and if I did them all regularly I did improve over time. But nothing stopped it or made the anxiety go away for good.

Please keep posting here if you need to chat further. It can be helpful just to know other people are going through the same thing. Plus writing it all down can be therapeutic too.

Kind thoughts, Jess

[therising]

Hi Lillipilligirl

Sorry to hear nothing has really worked so far. I emphasise so far because you just never know what outside the square sort of stuff is waiting around the corner.

I spent 15 years in depression, from the age of about 20 -35. What got me out was so far outside the square that I would have laughed it off just a handful of years before. Of all things, it was a post natal depression group. After giving birth to my 2nd child, a wonderful health centre sister recommended the PND group to me. I didn't want to go, due to it being so far outside my comfort zone, but my mum pushed me to the point where I went just to avoid further harassment.

It was the 1st time in years I had ever felt 'normal', understood and accepted for who I was, whilst in depression. By the way, we all had a long history of depression, pre-children and we all related to each other because we all felt similar frustration and mental torture to varying degrees. As the facilitator wrote the traits we experienced upon the whiteboard, I remember reading them all when it suddenly clicked 'THIS IS NOT ME. IT'S THE DEPRESSION!' I was not an angry, unmotivated, sad hopeless control freak (among other things). These were the traits/mindset of depression itself. In that moment I had the experience of finally separating myself from the state of my brain. This is a really simplified version regarding how it all went down. It took a lot of interaction and about 4 or 5 sessions to reach this revelation.

At the end of the day sitting opposite a great therapist works for some, whereas for others finding a 'soul tribe' of sorts is exactly what helps reignite the spark within. We're all different. All it takes is a single moment. It's continuously searching for that very moment which taxes us greatly and pushes our faith to the limit.

I'm wondering if you've ever considered group therapy or if it's ever been suggested to you. Yes, super uncomfortable, considering you begin as complete strangers but a good facilitator will have everyone relating within no time. They will also take anxiety into account. Worth considering perhaps.

Take care Lillipilligirl

[Emlm]

Hi lillipilligirl

its horrible to feel like nothing is working. I’ve just been re-admitted to hospital today, was only discharged after a 5 week stay 1 month ago.

We just have to keep trying, not give up. There has to be something out there waiting for us that will pull us out of this hole. Just no that you aren’t alone.

[White_Rose]

Hello Lillipilligirl, therising and Emlm

Please excuse the joint reply. I am sorry to learn that you have found no means of relief for your depression and anxiety. Emlm I am sorry you are back in hospital but it may be the best place ATM. I do not like hospitals for any reason.

I cannot think of anything other than the means you have tried to overcome your depression Lillipilligirl. I have tried them all with varying success. For me the best thing was taking an AD from the TCA group. An oldy but goody. Also I see a good psychiatrist and have done so for nearly three years. The first two were pretty full on with my suicidal feelings, despair of nothing working and wondering why I was even born. But she (psych) put up with my dark times and often told me some home truths which I disputed. Full on.

Friends can be the most tremendous help if they are the caring type. I think it's true that many other people do not want to know. Very sad. We are still fighting the community beliefs about mental illness. I think Emlm has hit the jackpot by saying We just have to keep trying, not give up. There has to be something out there waiting for us. Never give up, keep trying to be the first person to use a new drug.

Sorry to make this a short post. Unfortunately I am sick and get tired easily. Hope to write more later.

Mary