When morals, lies and Anxiety collide. Help.

[LostAshleigh]

Hey whoeverz reading. I started having anxiety in highschool, although I never understood what it was til this year. I would worry and feel stressed alot but I didnt recognise it as anxiety because Ididnt know what it was. This year,its gotten to the point where I traded my morals for guilt, regret and anxiety. I have family issues and Im not quite sure who iam anymore because I've went against my morals.

I was pregnant andactually kind of excited and nervous but also my anxiety was getting pretty bad. I was suffering from an identity crises, stayed away from friends and fam in fear of not being good enough or being looked down on. my family always considered me as the kid who will get somewhere in life..career wise, i was considered smart to my parents when really I wasnt. I think I put a high expectation on myself. Which sucked cause theres always someone out there who has something negative to sayor think about you and I just want to be good enough. I feared I wouldnt be a good mother. I have no career/job, I drop out of anycourse I start over something small or in fear everyone is judging me or if im not as smart as others. It was agreed by my partner and I to have a termination. I told myself if I ever was to get pregant, to keep the child. I feel guilty. I question whether what I did was right or not. According to my counsellor I am experiencing 'grief' but am I? I always saw myself as the lady with a career until her 30's and then kids. because of having my life pictured and planned and having it go complete opposite and against my morals, makes me question if they even were my morals to begin with.. who I am... and what my morals are now. I keep lying to myself and pretending itnever happened only to feel a tear as I see people with cute babies. Its gotten to the point thatI dont want to get out of bed, i cant get to sleep in fear ill just dissapoint or be looked apon as a monster.

[iJUSTwantTObe]

Hi Ashleigh, first of all I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through. Second of all you need to stop being so hard on yourself, you need to give yourself the time to recover you made a life changing decision it's not something you should be expected

to be over and moved on from. I know it's hard  trying to figure out who you are what do you want from life especially now that things have gone in a different direction from what you first imagined , but it's ok to  have speed humps in life , unfortunately things aren't always going to go to plan but that's not saying you can't get back on track if that's what you want to do. The main thing just try not to be so hard on yourself the more you stress about who you are and where your life's going the harder it's going to be to figure it out. Just day each day at a time. Live for that day try not

to look to far into the future because it will just overwhelm you. Wish you all the best xx