When everyone around me seems to be suffering too.

[Faye1]

Last year I was diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and which in turn brought on an eating disorder. I have worked hard over the last 6 months to better my mental health and physical health. Looking at me you wouldn't know I suffer all these things as I am a fit and healthy looking person on the outside which often leads to people making triggering remarks.

But as I have been making progress and feeling better than I have in years and understanding my triggers and using coping methods I find that everyone around me is suffering their own demons. Every member of my family has or had anxiety and depression, and now it seems all my friends do to. I often think, are we feeding off each others emotions? Or is it a domino effect? One person finally admits they have a problem and then all of a sudden everyone else feels comfortable enough to admit they do to.

I am feeling completely overwhelmed trying to help and support all my friends and loved ones that by the end of the day I am left with nothing for myself. How can I support them but also keep myself above water? I understand what they are going through and hate the feeling of not doing enough. I feel like there are no metal health free days anymore. Some days I just want to switch off from the heavy talk but I know that they need that kind of talk right now. I jut feel so drained and like I'm going backwards not forwards.

Any suggestions on how I can support all my friends without burning myself out?

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Welcome to beyond blue.

When I told my parents about depression, I would also find out that my dad was on ADs. A number of his friends are as well. Anyway, I spoke with my mum (in her 70s) about this, and she reckons life today is more stressful than compared to . Some things might have gotten easier, but when ...

• something like a phone makes you contactable 24/7, or
• trying to save for a home, or pay off home
• the pressure to succeed and not allowed to make mistakes
• if you are a researcher, publish or perish attitude of bosses
• "other"

The list goes on. But as for helping yourself, the best information I can provide is a link rather than repeat what someone else has said -

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself

Also see...

https://au.reachout.com/articles/6-ways-to-help-a-friend-with-depression

(Also make sure they have other people than can talk you if you are not available. A support network of 1 person is not much of a network, and works better with a team.)

Hope that helps

Tim

[Doolhof]

Hi Faye1,

Congratulations to you for being able to see what you want to change in yur own life, for being compassionate to others and for being willing to share how you are feeling here.

Tim has offered some great places for resources.

It is true, as much as we love and care for people, we can not be there for them all of the time without feeling drained and at the end of our own limited strength and resources.

We all need to make time for ourselves. As you have experienced, we can't keep giving compassiona nd care if there is nothing left inside of us.

Do you have ways you can assist yourself to feel better? Each day can you try and do something that makes you feel good about life.

Hopefully the resources Tim has mentioned will provide you with ideas on how to help others find more assistance for themselves.

Cheers from Dools

[Happygoluckymiss]

Hello!

I know exactly how you feel - you want to be there for everyone and make sure that they are ok too? I get this and it is a beautiful quality to have. As I look at your post i think of what a beautiful person you are - you are struggling but want to be strong enough to help others!

I have felt i have been conditioned to "not be selfish" as i am the eldest sibling and I needed to help my mum or sister or grandparent, aunty etc (i come from a very close knit European background where family is really everything - which I love and would not have any other way) that has formed me as a person. But, through lots of reflection and reading i realised something - self care is different to being selfish.

It took me a while to understand the difference between self care and selfish. By self care i mean this, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Sometimes, in order to prevent a burnout I need to take time out and for me this is hibernation, where i just be with myself, listen to music, read articles on interesting topics, binge watch a TV series, go for a drive, walking/exercise (this is the best for me!).... it may not be the answer for you but this is my way of rebuilding my mental strength so I can be the best possible version of me for me and in turn for my friends and family so i then can be mentally strong for me and them.

I hope this helps and is not too much of a ramble!

Best piece of advice I live by everyday and these two quotes get me through;

-life is tough my darling, but so are you (a daily mantra!) and this too shall pass!

Sending good thoughts...

xo