Violent crying/breathing OR Panic attack?

[IPlay]

3:00AM alone and I can't fall asleep because I'm sad, for reasons. Finally pull myself out of bed to come here, thinking it might be a healthy mental exercise to clear my head.

Click on the beyond blue tab that was already open on my browser but before I knew it I was not able to really read anything on the screen because I was crying heavily. In a few moments longer I was crying out loud which went from what you might expect to hear from someone heavily crying out loud to uncontrollable hard breathing. Big hard uncontrollable and repetitive sounding breathes replaced the vocal cries. This lasted maybe 10-20 seconds, it's hard to recall.

It felt vivid and surreal, like I had taken a drug. Like I didn't know what was going to happen next. I was scared.

I find it hard to connect with my own feelings but writing this has helped with my understanding.

I think I should have just stayed in bed.

[Here_I_am]

Hi IPlay,

Just a quick note to let you know that you're not alone with the internal 3:00am wake up call. I pretty much wake up every morning between 3:00am and 3:40am, and depending on whether I wake with a jolt of anxiety induced adrenaline or just some mildly intrusive thoughts, I might be able to go back to sleep. Sometimes it's just a matter of lying there with my eyes closed trying to mindfulness meditation until the alarm goes off at 5:00am, and those mornings suck the most.

What you describe with your breathing sounds very common for people who recount their panic attacks. Have you had panic attacks before, and if so is this what they have been like for you in the past? Much of the vividness and surreal feelings (not unlike taking a stimulant or mild hallucinogen) is caused by too much oxygen. Doesn't help at the time, I know, but it can be helpful for - and hopefully their aren't too many more - next time when breathing starts to deepen and increase.

I'm glad you got out of bed and chose to share a bit of your story here. I hope today isn't a bad day for you even though it has started with a bad experience.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi IPlay,

Thank you for your post and I'm glad that you shared this with us and didn't stay in bed! It sounds like there was some sort of comfort in writing this out, and I hope you're able to get more comfort in knowing there's people reading your post and probably relating with your experiences too.

When we cry, especially when we cry heavily, it breaks the normal rhythm of our breathing. Even if it was a little cry, our normal breathing is disrupted.

I know for me personally, I've had big heavy sobs that have turned into panic attacks. The reason for this was because I cried so heavily and didn't think to breathe properly, and then of course with my breathing restricted I naturally panicked. While it's such a scary experience - some people even feel like they are having a heart attack or going to die - it will always pass and it's the bodies own way of regulating itself.

Hope this helps

RT

[IPlay]

Cheers for the same day replies Here I am & romantic_thi3f.

You both sound like you've had some experiences before, sorry to hear that. Know that it gives great value to your words of advice given all over these forums as you help many people, so thank you for that.

I have never had a panic attack before. I am a pretty calm and collected person in general, at least from the outside, for the most part I am inside as well; perhaps too much so. This leads to not dealing with my emotions properly I think. I am too nonchalant. I'd rather bury so I can continue on calm and collected.

My depression over the past ~3 years has put a strain on my primary relationship, effecting my partner. This affect has now reached a tipping point where she feels she needs a reset by spending time apart in the hopes of refreshing the relationship. She only now feels she is able to do this since I have recently arrived at a good mental health state.

Last night, my solitary and tight throated contemplation of our long term relationship with an unsure future had me wet faced and awake all night, peaking with the episode I describe above.

Thank you both for breaking it down for me in regards to how crying disrupts breathing which can lead to some sort of breathing reset episode and on how due to heavy breathing an increase in Oxygen can induce a surreal experience. Scientific and reasonable answers to describe the experience, thank you; it's a very palatable framework for me to understand this. It's like you knew exactly how to frame it for me.

So if I want to get high, all I have to do is breathe heavily, gotchya, cheers. JKS guys, Jay Kays 😛

I like the Rick Astley reference by the way. Wish I could go back in time to when getting Rick Rolled on youtube was still a thing XD