Too anxious to talk to people

[tulpa]

I'm too anxious to talk to people but if I don't I get depressed, is there any way to win? I also find talking to anyone extremely difficult, what would i say?

[joeljoel]

Hi Tulpa, 

Yes not talking to anybody can be depressing and it is important that we socialise as it can do wonders for people suffering from anxiety and depression, it allows us to get out of our own heads a little. 

There is a way to win. Are there people in your life that you feel completely comfortable talking to about anything? If there are then I would start talking to those people first. I'm sure you would have plenty to say to people you are close with. Maybe ask them to hang out some time or talk about whatever is on your mind. 

If you start talking frequently with those close to you, you will begin to find it a lot easier to talk to strangers or new people. 

Best, Joel

[TheSteve]

Hi Tulpa,

Thanks for sharing your story. I agree with Joel, start with those close to you, where it is easier to get into a rhythm during conversation. Play it small before you try to go big. Build up. Really good advice.

Also, you can pay attention to the thoughts and feelings which are holding you back from having more of a social existence and not allowing you to engage in ease of conversation with the general crowd. Understand that these thoughts and fears you feel, are not you. They do not define you. They are temporary, they come and go. Like the wind, like the weather, like anything and everything. They only gain power over us when we believe that they ARE us. Then, they can transform us. Mold our behaviours. What we need to do is understand deeply that neither thought nor feeling are our true nature. If we stop identifying with them, if we don't allow them to be "us", then they will come and go. 

Try looking up the term"mindfulness" when you get a chance. This will help you understand my piece above. 

Also, if you are looking for some confidence you can come on here and chat with us anytime. We are here for you. All the best.

Steve

[tulpa]

Thanks. I'm not finding any thoughts stopping me from communicatingwith others its more of a freezing response.

[Stormgrl101]

Hi tulpa

Just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone.  When I am around people my body and mind will freeze and I cant talk to people very well. I just cant get into conversations and it leaves me feeling teary and down. Hang in there mate.

[saturnzoon]

Hi I know exactly how you feel I suffer from social anxiety and cannot start a conversation I have done numerous courses for this but they have not helped, I can't even have a conversation with my own family that's how bad it is, and it's so lonely cause you want to be involved more especially with the kids and know important things about their life and friends  but nothing comes, I feel stupid cause people stare at me and make smart comments like oh she's to snobbish to talk to us, or when I had to go to the kids sports and you sit a little apart from everyone the parents ask my kids why don't I ever talk, I feel so guilty cause I can't interact and its hard on my older kids as they don't really understand why I can't talk they say just do small talk but I can't my mind is blank I get sweety and can feel my heart start to race, I have no friends cause of this and feel like a failure and as far as I can remember I've always been like this and know it will never change, i still keep wishing knowing how nice it would be to have a friend, years ago while doing a course for social anxiety I was hoping it would help but it made no difference the other people in the group made friends with each other but I was the odd one out and the councilors said that just sometimes it's part of your make up and upbringing and it will never change, so I just take one day at a time some days are worse than otherd especially when my older son goes away to work and im on my own that's when it's hard to keep going, but I wish  for you there is a light at the end òf the tunnel.

[tulpa]

small talk is the hardest thing ever the topic could be anything I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to small talk.