Talking about mental illness

[calmseeker]

Hi All,

My anxiety has been quite severe for quite some time now, to the point I have been unable to work for a while. I have noticed that "What do you do?" is a common question when you meet someone. Specifically I am talking about 2 situations I have been in lately where people have asked me that: whilst having a haircut and meeting a neighbour for the first time. On both occasions I was torn between fibbing and saying "I work from home" or being upfront and saying " I have debilitating mental illness and cant work at the moment". I hear a lot that the stigma surrounding mental illness is lessening and I agree that awareness has risen but in a real life situation I believe its still hard to address the topic, like at the hairdressers the other day. I am still convinced that if I were to have told her I had a physical illness I wouldn't get the raised eyebrow. I have read the stats on the BB website informing that a high percentage of the public don't see anxiety as a weakness but I think it depends on who you're dealing with. I know some of you are going to say that in the hairdresser/neighbour situation I should just be truthful and that if more of us did that it lessens the stigma over time, and maybe some of you wont say that. In the end I told both those people in both of those situations that I had some health issues and couldn't work, thankfully they didn't probe any further. I am wondering what others who cant work due to their MI condition do and say ? Likewise, I have often wondered on 'R U OK' day what the reaction is when people say "no I am not." R U OK is great in theory but I wonder if the everyday person is equipped to deal with a no I am not ok answer.

These forums are great as we are surrounded here by others who totally understand MI and all that comes with it. I am just not so convinced that there is that level of understanding and acceptance out in the everyday world yet. It is definitely improving though. I am hoping for times where you can say " I have depression" like someone can say " I have diabetes" and you can say "I have GAD" like someone can say "I have eczema" or " I have arthritis".

CS

[Aaronsis]

Here Here!!

I could have not said it better myself, this is my dream too, for a world that treats MH and MI will the same acceptance and care that if one said "I have the flu"...no stigma, no shame, no fear!

Keep talking and it will happen.

Hugs and love to you

Sarah xx

[calmseeker]

The topic came to mind when I had to come up with a quick answer for the hairdresser and neighbour, then I finally got around to watching the movie 'Joker' the other night. In his journal he wrote "The worst part about having mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't".

[Aaronsis]

Absolutely calmseeker

The Joker is such a powerful, emotional and tragic story, they portray mental illness so very well though and Joaquin Phoenix does an extraordinary job in playing that role.

It is so very true in that the mask people feel like they have to wear to "fit in" or be accepted in society as "normal"...one day, if we keep talking and keep working at it I have faith that mental health will be talked about so freely and those that live with it will be accepted and loved just as anyone else.

Sarah xx

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi calmseeker (hugs)

Have had this dilemma myself, having been out of work for over a decade. I'm ashamed to say I mostly tell porkies and hope people don't ask too many details once I have. Occasionally I've just said "I'm not working at the moment", but the response tends to be uncomfortable silence, as society has this expectation that we 'should' be working, so people don't quite know how to respond to that.

Wouldn't it be great if we could just speak our truth and be accepted? I wasn't even able to do that with my family - hence not having anything to do with them any more.

I shared a quote by Ram Dass in the thread "words of comfort, encouragement and wisdom", that relates to this. I don't want to repeat it so feel free to have a look if you like. It's the last post atm.

Kind thoughts, Katy

[calmseeker]

Agreed Sarah, Joker was quite outstanding. My only beef with it was the reinforcement of the stigma that mental illness = violent behaviour, when in fact MI sufferers are more likely to be the victims of violence as opposed to the instigators. But we are talking Hollywood and they need to make a buck somehow I guess! Apart from that I was fascinated with this movie.

Fingers crossed for continued and growing understanding and acceptance in society. Maybe soon I can tell the hairdresser I don't work because I find it difficult to leave the house amongst other issues and she will wont raise her left brow and not know what to say and it wont be awkward.

Hugs and love right back at cha Sarah xo

[Aaronsis]

Hey CS

..just with your comment about the hairdresser too, and her response, the thing is I wonder is what if in your honesty she is then able to own her mental health issues and maybe she is struggling too, then she feels comfortable to say "that is me too" or "I struggle to make to work everyday"..you just don't know what conversations you can encourage and help people to share and to open up and to know they are not alone, they are not freaks and they are human!

That is why I love this space, the ability to share, to talk, to learn and have people KNOW they are not the only ones and that so many people struggle every day with mental health...it can only get better the more we talk, the more we support and the more we love.

I agree with what you said about the violence element and yes, mostly people who are suffering are not out there behaving like that, but as you said..Hollywood needs a buck!

Sarah xx

[calmseeker]

Hi sweet Katy,

Oh yes I have become quite the 'porkies' teller too in order to avoid awkward conversations and explanations. In 'porkie world' lots of people think I 'work from home'. Its just easier to say that. Of course, if I feel I can trust people I will give some detail but there are very few people I am open with about my condition. Whilst I want the world to be different I am not sure I am up for the challenge of standing on my soap box out there and being the mental health spokesperson, it feels too difficult and overwhelming but I guess if I want change I should be braver and take on the challenge. Sigh, I am at odds with myself on this.

I hear you regarding family acceptance and understanding. My family just see my condition as straight out weakness unfortunately. When I became quite unwell a decade ago my mother said "I don't understand this, you used to be so strong and now you cant handle anything?"! Hurtful and disappointing as they are the ones you want to have your back more than anyone else really. I tried to explain a little but they seem pretty old school in their thinking about it so I gave up. Now we exchange a card at xmas, keep the peace type scenario.

Working would be much easier if I had a boss who totally understood the fact I couldn't come in to work on days where I haven't slept the night before, and had back to back panic attacks that morning, my vision was too blurry to travel or read and I have to urinate every 5 minutes all day amongst other nasties.

Any how , on ward and upward with acceptance and understanding.

I hope you are doing ok Katy, I understand you have had a bit of a struggle of late and have been feeling poorly. Sending you calm vibes for better days ahead hopefully.

CS

[calmseeker]

Wow Sarah you read my mind. I was just thinking that there is a possibility that if I had of said "Well I don't work due to debilitating anxiety and depression" that she may have responded with "Yes, my brother has been struggling with those kinds of issues also and we are hoping he can go back to work at some stage soon". Maybe she could have responded like that, maybe its touched her life in some way also, maybe she had some insight into these issues, why should I think otherwise? Its likely that my pesky anxiety condition makes me catastrophise everything, predict a negative outcome and question how I will be perceived. Maybe in the future I can gather some tools so that I can be braver and more open in these situations. In the meantime, I will have to stick with fibs for the moment!

I have lots of hope and faith understanding will continue to get better, like you say, it can only improve the more we talk about it xo

CS

[Gambit87]

I always kept everything bottled up, I never shared with anything and just put on a happy face.

After having a breakdown - I'm not afraid to talk about it to anyone anymore. People may not know how to react/what to say but something as simple as 'im sorry that's happening to you mate - you should check out beyond blue/black dog institute for support information helps.

IMO - to end the stigmata on MH/MI we need to have conversations. It may be uncomfortable (and im not saying people should just man up and talk about it - I totally understand why people may want to keep details to themselves.) but the more we talk openly about it - the more awareness it creates.