Suddenly lost feelings for my girlfriend please help

[bill12345]

Hi guys, i’m just really struggling right now and need to know if this is something other people have faced. I have suddenly over the last week lost complete feelings for my girlfriend of 2 years, she is amazing and i feel like i don’t even love her anymore, nothing bad has happened in our relationship and i suddenly feel anger when i think of her and have no feelings toward her, i don’t know what’s going on i just want to love her. I have struggled with mild ocd and anxiety over last couple years and it has flared up due to covid, is it something to do with my mental health because i just want to love her again and not lose her, even though when i say that i feel like i don’t even love her and i don’t know what’s going on. Like i feel like i don’t want to kiss her or get intimate and i’m really scared that i won’t get these feelings back

[Petal22]

Hi bill12345,

Im sorry that you are feeling this way I understand it’s difficult.

Sorry to hear that you have mild ocd and it has flared up…… I understand OCD, I have a lived experience of this condition which I have now recovered from.

Do you think these are intrusive thoughts that you are experiencing? Of not having love for your girlfriend? I understand with OCD our intrusive thoughts can be very difficult sometimes and confusing because they can go against everything we are as a person….. and we begin to question our thoughts…

Sometimes also with OCD we can get very much inside our heads that it’s hard to stay in the present moment.

Have you been taught any coping strategies for your anxiety and OCD?

Let me know your thoughts

Sending you kindness

[geoff]

Hello Bill, although we aren't qualified doctors we can suggest and I agree with Petal that as you have OCD, intrusive thoughts can dominate your relationship.

These are unwanted thoughts that can pop into our heads without warning, at any time and are often repetitive, I used to have them with my dear Mum, who I deeply loved.

It doesn't matter how much you love your girlfriend, you can't understand why this is happening, so can I suggest you type 'intrusive thoughts' into your browser and read the many comments, but can you discuss this with a psychologist who your doctor suggests, if they don't necessarily deal with OCD then there are psych's that do this.

Please let us know how you feel.

Geoff.

[Hanna3]

Hi bill12345,

The others have made useful suggestions. I'd just like to add that it can be normal to fall out of love after a while, it's just that you're over the "falling in love" phase and up to the part where you love someone and realise that a relationship takes work.

It's also possible to just find you have stopped loving someone completely.

As you mentioned you've been having difficulties during covid - as many of us have - perhaps anxiety and depression are affecting your relationship too.

Maybe you can give some thought to what you think might be wrong as perhaps it's more than one thing causing these feelings.

[bill12345]

Thanks for the reply, i just don’t understand how over a week i’ve lost all my love completely for a person i cared about so deeply, it’s more of these feelings than intrusive thoughts and that’s what scares me because i don’t want to lose her because she means so much to me but my feelings are telling me otherwise

[bill12345]

Thanks for the reply yes i have been to a psychologist before a while ago and i am on medication for ocd but this feels just so scary cause it’s more a deep feeling in the pot of my stomach and i’m so scared that i’ll lose her and my mind is telling me that you will never love her again but i don’t want that to happen, it was just so sudden that’s what i’m confused and worried about

[bill12345]

Thanks for the reply, i just don’t understand because it was so sudden like over a couple days and i just want to love her again but my feelings are so angry and numb when i think about her cause i don’t feel anything anymore and im just so scared that i will never love her again and never want to hurt her

[Petal22]

Hi bill12345,

With OCD we tend to listen to out thoughts and sometimes believe they have meaning……… but they are intrusive thoughts……. With OCD we get stuck in a vicious cycle of questioning the thoughts, analysing the thoughts……. A lot of what if s..

Just by questioning the thoughts can cause intense anxiety and we sometimes withdraw from the people the thoughts are about……

But we are not our thoughts but the watcher of our thoughts………..

I did a therapy for my OCD it was an intervention into the OCD it taught me so many skills and how to disengage from my OCD cycle…….. have you ever done any therapy for your OCD ?

Ok……….. without paying any attention to your mind and thoughts do you still love your girlfriend?

[bill12345]

Hi, i’m trying to answer that question but it’s not really my thoughts i feel like dead inside when i think about that and i feel guilt and numbness like i believe i do cause only a couple days ago i did and for our whole relationship i have but now my feelings are telling me otherwise

[Petal22]

Ok, I understand it’s difficult for you.

Just give yourself time….

Maybe talking to a psychologist could help you if you think you would benefit from this?