Stuck!

[Summer05]

I’m nearly 40 years old, living with my partner of 11 years and 7 year old daughter.

I have had agoraphobia and PTSD for 15 years, some days are good, some days are bad. I’ve learnt to live with this and be as independent as I can, I have my own business and the best mother and partner I can be. I try to make their life as easy, loving and as fun as possible. 

Lately though, my relationship with my partner has been sour. My partners moods change very quickly. He’s been extremely stressed out at work and then comes home and talks to us like absolute crap! Then the mood will change though and he’ll be friendly like nothing has happened. It’s eating me up inside and I have moved into another room, it’s like walking on eggshells. 
He never wants to talk about anything, but I can see his jaw clenched most of the time and he’s angry inside. He will never open up to me. He’s actually scaring me as I have been in a domestic violence relationship before. It’s only verbal but it hurts and not like him.

To be honest I’ve had enough but with the rental market being the way it is and don’t forget the agoraphobia I’m struggling to get out of here. It’s his house and he’s always made it quite clear that it is his and also told me if I ever left he would go for full custody because of my mental illness. 
I don’t know what to do, I feel so sad, lonely, defeated, stuck and it’s not fair on our daughter as well. 
Ive tried so hard but I can feel myself giving up, my stomach is constantly in knots and I’m so tired of living like this. 
I’m writing this to get some things off my chest but also for advice. 
My family mean everything to me but some days I feel like if I wasn’t here it would be easier for everyone and I don’t want those thoughts. I have no friends or family members that I can talk to either. 
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I desperately need advice. 
Thank you 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Summer05
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
We are sorry to hear that you are going through this right now; relationships can be so difficult to navigate at times especially in ones where you have been hurt in some way.  We can hear how overwhelmed you are feeling and thought we would drop by and offer you some resources and other supports you might like to utilise while you wait for a response to your post:
 
1800 RESPECT Click Here or call 1800 737 732 and also
1800 RESPECT Chat online Click Here
 
Of course, if you ever you feel like you need to talk this through with one of our counsellors too, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat Click Here .  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.

If however you feel that those thoughts and feelings are becoming too intense for you, please know that our lovely friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always there for you whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

We’re sure you will hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M