Struggling....

[ms_piX]

Feeling so alone, so uptight, and just plan anxious. I can't bring myself to get out of the house after several panic attacks while camping with a group of friends over New Year, and every trip out is a mammoth effort and task.... I just can't wait to get back to the safety of "my space" at home.

The house is a mess, and its driving me even more insane... I don't even want to leave the bedroom because just seeing what has happened since I last left the bedroom is overwhelming and depressing.

Hubby is seemingly oblivious to my struggle, or just doesn't know what to do and I just want to scream... but to be honest, I just have to focus on keeping breathing. I don't even know where to start. I feel bad that he has to deal with me... I can feel his resentment and I can understand it, but why can't he understand where I'm at??

The kids keep screaming, and I just want to tell them to shut up, it hurts my head. I'm a terrible mother.

I have no reason to feel like this... I just do. I can't help it, and I can't help myself.

[Bluey_moon]

Oh Mis Pix, 

Honey my heart is hurting for you. Anxiety can be relentless and cruel! 

Can I ask you if you are seeing anyone for your anxiety, your GP or a psycologist? 

Do you know what caused the panic attacks and have you had them before? 

If you are finding it hard to get out of the house, maybe you could try calling the BB line or chatting online! They are so helpful! 

I think it is often hard for our partners to understand, sometimes our friends too. Can you have a talk with him, explain how you are feeling! 

If you need to talk it out, there are so many people on this forum who give awesome advice and a listening ear! 

[White_Rose]

Dear ms_pix

I am sad you are feeling this way. It sounds as though you have an anxiety problem. Yes I know, sounds obvious doesn't it. I am saying this because it is a recognised illness and one where you need immediate help. The most important thing for you to do is to get an emergency appointment with your GP. Don't be put off when the receptionist says there are no appointments available for some time. Tell them it is an emergency. It's not up to the reception people to determine what is and is not an emergency.

Copy your post above and take it with you to the doctor plus adding any other feelings or situations you have experienced lately. If you cannot get out of the house alone insist your husband takes you or ask a friend to do this. I understand his frustration here because he has probably never encountered someone with an illness of this sort before, or at least has not had to deal with it.

You are not a terrible mother, just an ordinary parent in a bad situation. Anxiety of this type and/or depression can come out of the blue and hit anyone, anytime. No one has a reason to feel like this and certainly no one wants it. How did your friends help you while you were camping? Did any of them tell your husband what happened? Can any of them take you to the doctor?

If you are able, have a look at the information about anxiety on this site. Go to the The Facts at the bottom of the page and take it from there. Ask your husband to read it as well. It will give him an idea of what's happening. You can also download the information or ask BB to send you hard copies of anything you want.

Please get to your doctor ASAP and keep writing in here. If you continue to feel terrible or overcome with everything, phone the BB helpline on 130  22 4636. Trained people are available 24/7 to talk to you.

Mary

[Guest_1055]

Dear ms_piX

After reading your post..... well I just wanted to give you a hug, and to let you know that I care. It seems that it is just feeling way to much for you at the moment. I'm sorry, even my sorry does not seem enough. I hope you will be OK?

With much love

Shelley xx

[ms_piX]

Thanks for the replies.

 I have suffered from depression and anxiety since my late teens.... I have my ups and downs. Prior to recently, I have never had any panic attacks, and then to have 3 in the space of 2 days.... It was a very scary experience. Hubby was with me when I suffered all of them, and I don't think he has known how to react, and I actually don't know what triggered them, other than that I was finding myself very uncomfortable whilst camping with about 5 other families, and I couldn't get away, to have some time to myself. I was "on" all the time.

I have previously seen a psychologist (about 18months ago) for CBT, but stopped after she told me, "she didn't know how to help me". Neither do I!! I have also been medicated for about 2 years, but also stopped that about 12 months ago as I didn't like the feeling of being "clouded" all the time.... I had to make an effort to laugh at a joke, and suffered terrible headaches.

Just lately, I've been having trouble sleeping, or over sleeping, and motivation to do anything is impossible. I can't get out of my head.... everything I am doing to distract myself isn't working, and I verge on tears almost all the time.

While I know that my hubby cares, he is not very supportive (I don't think he knows how to be), and swings from being angry and resentful, to just ignoring me hoping that if he keeps the kids and himself out of my way he's helping. I'm not quite sure what I want him to do, and I know that I am not the easiest person to be around, but I know that things could/should be different. I constantly think that if I just wasn't here, it would make his life easier. He is a fantastic father, and he is making great efforts to pick up the slack from me and give them time and attention, but I get very little or no time from him.

While I know that I should go back to my GP for referral, I feel that I'm beyond help. I can't be fixed. This is just how I am and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. There are bigger things in this world to worry about.

[White_Rose]

There is nothing bigger in this world than you and getting well again. You are important to a great many people and your absence will not make anyone happier and neither will they find getting on with their lives any easier.

No one is beyond help. You can be 'fixed' even if it takes time. Just because you had a slack psychologist is no reason to stop trying. Please go back to your GP and ask for another referral and explain why you stopped seeing the first one. I am thoroughly disgusted that a psych can just drop you in that fashion, presumably without telling your GP and without making arrangements for you to go elsewhere. And if your GP knew he/she should have sent you to someone else.

I must go out and am already late, but I wanted to reply to you immediately. Please start to help yourself again. I know how hard it is as I have just crashed again in a big way and I wish I had no more pain in my life. And I was going well a couple of weeks ago.

Lets metaphorically hold hands and journey together.

Mary