Struggling with worry, fear and negative thoughts

[AnxiousOCD]

Hello everyone!

I feel so down right now I can't eat and I can barely move. I know why I feel this way but it's almost too hard to move from this negative head space to a positive one. 

My boyfriend went away for work about a week ago and he will be away for 2 months. Each time he goes away I fall into a pattern of worry, I think about the past and all the mistakes I've made and I try to find a problem to solve it, I know I do this to distract myself from missing him. I know that by worrying about things it clouds your headspace and only makes things worse.

I worry about what I'm going to do for New Years because I don't want to do anything for fear of making a mistake. All my fears are around cheating on my boyfriend and stem from the fact that I did cheat on him in the beginning of our relationship years ago. Now when I feel anxious I assume it's because I've done something wrong or I'll do something wrong and I'm terrified, my thoughts go around in circles and make me feel sick. 

The good thing is I can tell my boyfriend anything and he is so understanding and supportive but I can't really communicate with him at the moment as he has limited reception and Internet. 

When I am happy I can look at all these thoughts that make me anxious and realise they are silly, I want to get to that place but I don't know how! 

I need support and I just don't know what to do. Does anybody else have similar issues?

[Zeal]

Hi Anxious,

It's understandable to find it hard when your boyfriend moves away. However, your anxiety and fear is compounding this. Not forgiving yourself for mistakes you've made in the past really is the worst form of emotional punishment. It's so hard, as wanting to stop thinking about the situation or past event does not mean the thoughts will go away. The attached guilt can be the most painful. It sounds as though your boyfriend has forgiven you for your past wrongdoing from years ago. You clearly regret it and don't want to repeat the mistake, which is a good sign for your relationship.

However, constantly worrying about making mistakes and not trusting yourself is mentally exhausting. With OCD, thinking about wrong or "sinful" things does not mean you will act upon them. Thoughts do not directly transfer to action. Everyone has some thoughts which they never act upon. Thoughts in your mind are more difficult to control than your actions - try to remember that. If you don't drink much alcohol and spend New Year's with mainly your female friends, you will be perfectly fine 🙂

Even though you're probably at an age where you're self-sufficient and may not think of talking to your Mum as one of your main options, try it. I am 22 and still talk things through with my Mum, and now my boyfriend too. When I was very ill with mental illness several years ago, my Mum was what got me through the emotionally tough time. I know I can trust my Mum with anything. She is family, and she has always and will always be here for me. When she's really old, I'll make sure I return the favour! 🙂

Has your anxiety been diagnosed? Whether you've seen someone in the past about this or not, making an appointment with your GP is a good option. They can give you advice, and refer you to a psychologist if you need extra support.

I hope something I said has been helpful 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[AnxiousOCD]

Thank you! I appreciate your help, my mum is aware of my anxiety and it's good to talk to her I know she will always be there for me. 

I've changed my drinking habits but I still get scared after a night out even if I remember most of it and my friends reassured me I did nothing wrong and I even wrote myself a note in my phone at the the end of the night to reassure myself I did nothing wrong but I will still get anxious and assume the worst