Struggling with the past

[Struggly]

I have major regrets about my past and its stopping me from living my life. When I was in my 20s I owned my own home. Then I got involved in drugs and ended up selling it for no good reason. It was a fantastic place in a great location. I then bought the first house I saw because I was worried about losing my money on drugs. The real estate agent took advantage of me and I ended up with a much worse house for about the same money. That place started giving me panic attacks so I sold it in a state of anxuiety. Of course I sold it really chep. By then I'd really gone backwards. The I was so anxious about buying the next house I put an offer on one place buyt go so panicky I couldn't go through with it. It was a really nice place too.

Finally an agent pushed me into buying a partly renovated house. It has turned out to be a complete disaster and money pit. That last one was 15 years ago. I am now so totally devasted at what Ive done. I regret what could of been. I know this might come across as shllow, btut its not about money but shame and humiliation. My father always told me I was useless.

How can I get out of this. The ain is just unbearable.

[solabear]

You can get out of this Struggly. What's happening is that you are identifying yourself with the past. You are not your past. The past is gone and history only, not reality anymore. You are who you are today, the beautiful valuable human being who has so much to live for. What ever you did in the past is history, that's not who you are today. Every day is a gift, that's why it's called the present. Every day is a new beginning, new opportunities and possibilities.

I can relate to you because I have bipolar and I made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life and I used to feel sick just thinking about it, until I've read the book the "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Then I realised what I was doing.

Highly recommend it. I really hope you feel better soon. Hugs from Sola

[Struggly]

Thank you Sola. I know I should be living in the present. But when I am surrounded by my mistakes constantly, I can't bear the pain. It is in my face and it creates extreme distress for me. I dont know how to break this pattern.

[solabear]

Hi Struggly, you can break the pattern by changing your thoughts and perceptions about the past. I know it's easier said than done, and it won't happen overnight, but it will happen if you start practicing being in the present. Also meditation and mindfulness helps a great deal. You can find guided meditation uploads on Youtube, they are quite handy to have when you need to chill, but you can't switch your mind off. And it's also very relaxing to listen to Eckhart Tolle on Youtube.

You said it is in your face and it creates extreme distress for you. We can't change our surroundings, but we can change how we perceive it. It's all about our perception on the world around us. It's all in our mind. Slowly you will get there if you practice it.

I really feel for you Struggly, I used to feel the same as you, but with the help of the internet and Youtube I was able to change my perception on the world we live in. I get through difficult time by practicing being in the present. It works.

kind thoughts and hugs from Sola

[geoff]

hi Struggly, I can remember all the decisions I/we should have made many years ago and what we've missed out on, that's living in hindsight and unfortunately can not be brought back, but I/we had been given so very unhelpful advice, which stopped us from going ahead with what we wanted.
Shame and humiliation is what most of us have gone through, that's how we learn to move forward, but sometimes it really hurts us and it seems to sit in the back of our mind and will come back to annoy us when something similar happens.
Although I can't diagnose you but PTSD comes to light with what you have said and suggest you book an appointment with your doctor, and wonder whether you want to sell the place you live in, and have some time out by renting a house so you can then gather your thoughts and please realise that this isn't going backwards in anyway.
That's exactly what I have done after selling a home due to my divorce and have been renting, which was only going to be for a short time, but consider that it's cheaper for me to rent than pay off all the extra costs. Geoff.