First time posting here...
I've always suffered from depression and anxiety but over the past month it's become very bad. It's mainly my job. It's the kind of place where they rely on a few particular people for everything under the sun and I'm unfortunately one of those! It's become a burden because I'm so overworked. Even though I arrive and leave on time and don't stay late (I decided it wasn't worth it, I'm not paid enough nor have the title for that kind of commitment!), it's still weighing me down.
I recently have found it incredibly hard to make it through the work day. I started having panic attacks more frequently recently, sometimes I have them at my desk where I just sit there and try to do one task but I feel like a zombie and can barely function. Other times I get home and just collapse, sobbing, where I then have a dreadful evening to the hardship of my partner. I actually had to have a nap in a quiet room at work at lunch the other day after the adrenaline left me exhausted.
It's not one problem - the overload at work is one, but it's also the attitude of management. They don't particularly care about the health of their employees, there's no support for admin/support workers (just the sales staff) and no one listens. I've asked repeatedly for another resource but they all just say "in time" or ask me to be "understanding" with a wink/nudge. I've been there nearly 4 years. Unfortunately I rely on my salary and leaving isn't an option just yet (I can leave in another 6-9 months without financial strain). It's particularly jarring because otherwise it's a "close" workplace and everyone is on very good terms, lots of laughs and everyone knows a lot about each other.
I've been to the doctor and they wrote me a certificate for a whole week - she encouraged me to stay home for a few days at least, to rest - but I feel so guilty about it. I take mental health/sick days here and there where I need them but struggle with the guilt. If I don't go in a lot of key things won't get done (I'm the only one who knows how to do them) and I don't know how to deal with that. A few colleagues know about my struggles and empathise, they certainly don't blame me (and I know they won't tell management about my personal issues), but I feel bad all the same.
I'm just struggling knowing it's the weekend and Monday is nearly here. When I think of going to work my heart starts racing again and I feel like crying. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep. 😞
