Struggling with Anxiety, Self-Worth, Imposter Syndrome & Obsessive Thinking

[ks1993]

Hi all,

This is my first time posting here. I've always been a type-A personality, an overanalyser and a super anxious person, but I'm feeling really out of control at the moment and like my anxiety is becoming detrimental and overwhelming.

Last week my dog, who is a huge companion and comfort in my life, almost passed and went through emergency surgery. He's recovering well, but a few days later, I had to travel interstate for my dream job interview. So it was a hugely stressful and traumatic week. During the interview, I needed a bit of prompting on one of the questions, and admitted to feeling a bit nervous, but overall, my rational brain knows I didn't butcher it, and you cannot seamlessly answer every question (but perfectionist me thinks I should be able to defy the laws of being human!).

Anyway, ever since, my mind has been creating this story that I completely ruined my chances, embarrassed myself in front of the recruiters, and it's all my fault that I've singlehandedly ruined my career before it's even started (it's a graduate job). I can't stop overanalysing every tiny detail of the interview, their body language, my responses, googling the correct answer to the questions afterwards, seeking reassurance from my partner and family members that I might still get the job and I'm not a complete failure, etc etc. I'm catastrophising big time, but I simply cannot stop myself from doing it, no matter what loved ones say to me. I've done this before, and lo and behold, actually ended up getting the job, strangely. It's amazing the stories your brain concocts when it's anxious, and how far from the truth it can really be. It's terrifying.

I suppose I'm just looking for people who can relate and have experienced something similar.
Does your mind have this overwhelming negativity bias? Does it convince you that you're not worthy of something/failed miserably at something, but you can't trust what your brain is telling you because objectively, you have evidence that what you're thinking isn't true? But you just can't believe the solid proof in front of you! Like during my degree, I received great marks and worked hard, but somehow thought uni must have gotten it wrong - surely they're someone else's grades. I suppose it's kind of like imposter syndrome in a way, and is probably deeply connected to my lack of self-worth.

Anyway, let me know if you've had a similar experience, or you feel this way as well. What happened in the end, did the story have a positive outcome? How did you soothe yourself or make yourself feel better during these times?

Thanks so much in advance 🙂

[Here_I_am]

Hi ks1993,

Just a quick pop in to say 'Hi!' and to let you know your post hasn't gone completely ignored. I have read your post and intend to reply in more detail, however the shower calls right now and the kids are starting to stir so I'm out of time this morning.

One thing I will say before I go and get the day started is that you're definitely not alone in your experiences.

I hope to get back to the forum some time today, but worse case scenario it'll be early tomorrow morning.

Hope your day goes well.

[geoff]

Hi Ks, your obsessive thinking could be interrupted as having 'intrusive thoughts', although I'm not qualified to say, but only mention it because that's something that I used to do all the time, as I have OCD for a long time.

If you can type in 'intrusive thoughts' in the search bar above there will be many other post/threads involving the same topic, have a browse and get back to us when you're available.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[ks1993]

Hi Here I am,

Thanks for the response, I really appreciate it! It's nice just to know that I'm not alone, I'll have to have a poke around the forums further to find others with similar experiences as me.

Hope you have a great day too 🙂

[ks1993]

Hi Geoff,

Great advice - time for me to spend a bit of time on the forums to find other threads that are relevant to me. I'm sure that will be really educational and reassuring. Very good point about the intrusive thinking, looks like it's best for me to organise an appointment with my GP to get the ball rolling on some treatment options.

Thanks for replying!

[Here_I_am]

Hi ks1993,

I hope your poking around provided you with some valuable information and useful tips. The Beyond Blue forums and website in general is quite an impressive resource indeed!

I just wanted to take a moment to provide you with some feedback on my experiences as an employer. I have had people in interviews check facebook, answer phone calls and arrange there social lives, read a script and answer questions that I never even asked, send/receive/read text messages, have music playing on their headphones (although thankfully they showed enough respect to take one earbud out), turn up two hours late with the justification the original interview time was inconvenient for them, and one lady even showed up wearing her crossfit getup because she 'couldn't be bothered changing just for an interview.'

I've had people completely fail to answer any of the interview questions with any degree of proficiency yet sit in the interview room almost asking for an advance on their first pay so they can book a bali holiday whilst the ticket prices are hot.

In short, there are bad interviews, and then there are interviews that are intense. From what you describe, I would not hesitate to call your experience an intense one, and nothing you posted suggests it was a 'bad' interview. 🙂 Whilst they may not have had many interviewing that fit the criteria described above, it's fair to say they likely interviewed several people who went into the 'not right for us' pile, and there is just no way of knowing where you have landed in that regard. Needless to say, most employers are looking for values over anything else; do your values align with their values, and did this come across in the interview? Skills can be taught/learned, values however are personal and rarely change.

Regardless of whether you're applying for a graduate role or unskilled position, the reality is you cannot know the job before you start it, and if they had someone within the organisation that knew everything then they'd likely just utilise them for the role anyway; it's perfectly okay to not know every answer in an interview.

As always, until you get a firm offer, keep interviewing! There is no such thing as a 'sure thing'. The more you interview, the better you will get at it.

Talk soon.

[ks1993]

Hi Here I am,

I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write such a considered and lovely reply, it's really helped to bring my rational brain back online, bring a bit of perspective to the situation and it was very reassuring.

In the grand scheme of things, I know my interview wasn't terrible - I just have this idea in my head that the minute you falter, ask to clarify a question or appear nervous, recruiters cut you out of the running and think, "urgh, weakling." But in reality, we're all human and I wouldn't have been the only candidate to do any of these things. We're not robots, right? And you're right, it was definitely intense! Great word for it. Especially when you have to overcome negative self-criticism chatter in your head at the same time.

It's funny, because a few days later, I wrote a list of things I touched on in the interview (organisation values was definitely one of them!), and a list of things I wish I'd said... and the sizes of these lists really surprised me. I spoke about so many important things, and my list of "forgotten topics" was tiny in comparison.

Even when I did falter a bit in the interview, and asked for clarification, I know I recovered quite well and finished as strong as I could. I'm a graduate, I haven't done a million and one interviews and hence, cannot expect to be magically perfect at it. That's life, you live and you learn!

Thanks again for your message, it's made me feel so much better and eased some fears.

Hope you had a great day 🙂