Struggling with a break up

[Sylar]

I had my girl friend randomly break up with me over text two months ago. No real explanation why. Everything was peachy. No real problems. Not really sure what happened. She never replied back to me after she semi said she wanted to break up. I didn’t know how to handle it so I wished her well and tried to be supportive of this random decision that came out of no where. It tore me apart and I deleted my fb because I didn’t want the questions about why we broke up since I didn’t know why. She deleted all the pics of us off Instagram and I was gutted. Felt like one day she was completely in love with me and then the next it was like I never existed. I didn’t know how to process that at all. I didn’t cry I just kept busy and tried to move on. But my nightmares and bad dreams which have been happening for 4 years really persisted. So I reached out to her 4 days ago as politely as I could and tried to ask for an explanation. She left me on read and never replied. I eventually had a break down over It. I’ve been pretty anxious ever since the break up and have been stressing about my insta and and snap chat. Today I erased all the pictures of us from my insta and unfollowed her and her friend. I have been flooded with overwhelming worry. I just don’t want the drama. I know my thoughts are irrational and my stress is off the charts. Mostly cause I know they will pick up on the fact that I’ve unfollowed. I feel like the best friends been monitoring my account for sometime. It’s makes me so anxious to feel like I’m being watched. It’s why I deleted them but I just can’t bare the thought of being harassed or questioned about it. I mean I worked myself up that much that I deleted my account. I no longer have fb or insta and I can’t help but feel like I’m completely isolating myself because I’m worried about the drama. I’m worried about the nightmares that will follow. My anxiety feels worse than ever. I can’t stop overthinking everything and I just wanna be able to relax or calm down but that just doesn’t happen for me. I’d love to see my GP about it but honestly I feel like she would just dismiss me. She’s a great doctor but she has dismissed me a few times about things and I don’t really want to go there to be told to try some breathing techniques or that it’s not a big enough problem. How on earth do I get a doctor to help me when going there would make me that anxious I would down play my symptoms so the rejection for help just wouldn’t feel as bad.

[Here_I_am]

Hi Sylar,

The situation you find yourself in sounds really unpleasant, and I imagine it would be very difficult for anyone to handle; I want to encourage you to give yourself a bit of leeway here in regard to properly grieving and recovering from what I imagine is a very hurtful and emotionally painful experience. This is allowed to affect you (us as human beings), and it's okay to take a minute to tend to the wounds, dust ourselves off and start walking again when things like this happen in life. 🙂

How does it feel to not have those social sites to worry about any more? A lot of people these days have so much of their intrinsic worth wrapped up in Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other platforms to the point where they have replaced real human connection in our social lives. We take what someone says in their 'spare time' or when they were particularly bored as the most important critique on our profile/self, and it can be quite harmful. Whilst stepping away from these social sites may initially feel as though you've lost something, the reality is it will likely lead to a more healthy space for you to grow and properly find your feet.

Sylar, I want to encourage you to reach out and speak with someone in the flesh. If that can't be your GP based on previous experiences of reaching out that haven't gone well, perhaps a different GP that specialises in mental health is something that you could source in your area? Phone services are also readily available, and these can be really helpful to just order your thoughts and/or gain some helpful tips on how to proceed with a conversation with your GP.

It's really great that you've reached out and posted here. I want to encourage you to stick around and continue posting; real people with real wisdom are only a post and some time away.

I hope you find an outlet for your hurt, Sylar. These experiences would be horrible for anyone and giving ourselves permission to feel hurt, mistreated, grieved, sad/mad/etc., is really important for our emotional health.

Talk soon.

[Sylar]

I have been going to the gym and going hiking to help me feel better about myself and my self worth. The hiking always gives me an outlet. You still have to come home tho. Kinda sucks when you have constant reoccurring nightmares. Just sets my anxiety off for the day.

i actually love not having Facebook. I liked that my phone time was reduced. Deleting my Instagram sucks tho. I used that for motivation for my own goals and for gym/nutrition inspiration. So taking that away feels shit. I like the idea of stepping away from social media platforms so I can pursue things that are a little more real in my own life. I just hate that I feel that anxious about it that I’ve had to delete them.

i actually tried to find a new GP over a year ago. The first guy was really homophobic. The second was an awesome doctor. Really into women’s health. But she left for maternity leave and didn’t come back. So I had to resort to my doctor that I had originally. I did ring a few other doctors that specialised in lbgt health and that but they weren’t taking new patients. This was an absolute anxiety attack for me as it was. I don’t feel confident doing it all over again to get no where or to be turned away. What can I say to my current doctor that’s actually going to get her listen and not dismiss me?

I think some of the root problem as to why I’m so anxious is that I don’t know what the problem was and why she ghosted me. But there was an argument months earlier where she said I had red flags for being abusive after I hit her. I never hit her. Not once. She scared me once and poked my face and I slapped her hand away in the moment and her hand hit her in the face. She was startled and then laughed. That was something she later turned into a story about me hitting her. I almost broke up with her then and there. But she apologied for making it out to be something it’s not. But there is a massive part of me that knows she could play the victim. I’m sorta worried that she told her friends and family that I was hitting her. I guess that makes me really nervous and uncomfortable. I worry about it a lot. Something like that is pretty damaging. I just hope that’s not the reason she’s told everyone. And since I don’t know why it’s all ended I jump to the worse conclusion she might be telling everyone. Just stressful as.