The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life which is leading you to question so much, including your choice to have a second child.
If someone said to me 'Name two of the most challenging people you've ever had to deal with in your life', I'd seriously consider my two kids when they were babies. Btw, my eldest baby is 23 years old and my youngest turned 21 yesterday and they are two of the greatest gifts in my life. Looking back to when they were babies, they definitely did not feel like gifts. I relate to resentment, self questioning (which can become depressing), exhaustion, stress, regret, a sense of sufferance and so much more. The sense of guilt, for feeling this way, just adds to it all. I wish I'd had someone in my life who could have helped me make complete sense of everything I was feeling. For a start, it makes complete sense to feel resentment towards the person who presents us with an enormous amount of ongoing challenges all at once, no matter their age.
For a parent who faces few low key challenges with a baby, it's all pretty straight forward. There's good reason for such a parent to be happy or at least content. For the parent who faces multiple challenges, it's far from straight forward. The sleep deprivation can reach depressing levels, the inability to breast feed can mess with you, a baby's almost constant crying does horrible things to the nervous system, their inability to sleep at regular times can lead to a serious sense of a lack of freedom (much needed free time) and a half a dozen other factors can make you want to scream 'I JUST CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!'.
If I could go back in time and speak to my younger self, I'd say 'You're being challenged. Always wonder what the challenge is about or find someone who can wonder with you and help you figure it out'. Of course, figuring things out is hard to do when you feel like you're not in your right mind. To offer a couple challenging examples, my babies didn't sleep while crying for different reasons. For a start, they couldn't sleep and were crying from starvation. I didn't know I wasn't producing enough milk until they were weighed and just weren't putting on any weight. I thought that was just something with my first baby until it happened again. The second reason for the crying and lack of sleep involved pain. With my eldest, I changed her from a basic formula to a gold standard version. Eventually a little voice in my head said 'She's in pain, reacting to something in the new formula'. I changed it back and all was well in this world. No matter our age, we all struggle to sleep for the same reasons; we're starving, we're uncomfortable or in pain, the environment's too stimulating or too disturbing, we're stressed for some reason and need consoling etc etc.
At the end of the day, I'd say the greatest challenge of all involves trying to manage and work everything out on our own. It definitely doesn't help when we've got people saying 'You'll be right' or 'Plenty of mums go through this' or 'It's just hormones' or 'You just need to try harder' (grrrr😠). What we can be facing is the greatest challenge we've ever faced in our life, something that should never be downplayed or overlooked. I feel for you so much and wish I was there to make a difference to you.❤️
