Struggling a bit.

LittleSteps
Community Member

Really struggling a bit tonight.  So much going on I just don't know how to break it down.

*     Working full time (very blessed to be in employment but it's in a turbulent environment and every day is the threat of losing my job)

*

6 Replies 6

LittleSteps
Community Member

ahhh i can't even post properly.

post should read:

Really struggling a bit tonight.  So much going on I just don't know how to break it down.

*     Working full time (very blessed to be in employment but it's in a turbulent environment and every day is the threat of losing my job)

*   Hubby is currently out of work and doesn't seem to be trying at all to look for work.

*  We can't pay all our bills and mortgage and currently in an agreement with the bank to sell off our second property to pay off our arrears and lower our mortgage (thankful we have a second place to sell off).  But the second place is a mess - full of stock from our failed business that we have to get out of there in a hurry and hubby doesn't seem interested in doing much about it so we are trying to quickly build a shed at Mum in law's place to store everything so we can sell the house - we have three months to get it on the market and i am stressing about it,

*   I have been unwell - unexplained pain, spent 4 days in hospital where they thought i had appendicitis - but found nothing wrong.  migraines, headaches, chest pains, neck and back pain, no time to be sick

not sure how much more I can take and nobody to turn to.

Whenever i speak to my husband about it he tells me he feels crap too and just to suck it up and get on with things, but he isn't the one worried about paying the bills.  

*  can't speak to my friends - i think they are all sick of talking to me about it.

don't know what else to do.

Breathe...even though I too am struggling all I know is the sun will come up tomorrow and I will breathe.

Your husband telling you to harden up is ridiculous.

 i can't offer anymore advice than breathe.....just breathe

Dear LittleSteps.  Sorry to say this, you are totally stressed.  Hardly surprising, you're struggling with job, unhelpful husband, being forced to sell your house.  Maybe long service leave or some sort of disability pension for a start.  Is your husband on an unemployment pension?  I guess money is extremely tight, too.  Where are you going to live once you've sold?  Craigos is right about 'time out to breathe'.  Good idea, hard though.  I think you and husband should make an appointment to see your G.P and ask for a referral for a counsellor who will teach you some relaxation techniques.  Are you on meds for anxiety, I feel you do need something to help calm you.  If your husband refuses, you may have to go alone to a G.P.  Have you tried talking to Centrelink about unemployment for your husband (if he's not getting anything).  When I was depressed, I found a lot of my friends also got 'sick' of hearing me 'rave on' too.  You do need to 'vent' though.  BB is great for venting.  With counsellor's, explain to your G.P your money situation otherwise you will get into more financial 'hot spots'.  Once your G.P is made aware of your situation, he can then recommend a suitable counsellor.  I really think you do need professional budgeting advice too.  Sorry to throw that in.  There is help available, you just need to know where and how to get it.  Start with your G.P, they are fonts of info, more so than when I was young (100 years ago, lol).

Good your MIL is helping.  That's fantastic.

Thanks Craigos and Pipsy - most appreciated.

Breathing and remembering to take time out to concentrate on breathing is a really good idea.  Something I think I need to take more time out to do.

It's times like this I wish my parents were around - I lost my Dad when I was 20 to cancer, and having helped nurse him with my Mum while doing UNI and working full time, I then had to repeat it all 6 years later when I lost my Mum.  I totally blamed myself - thinking that the little games I played as a child wondering what it would be like to be an Orphan like Annie was the cause of my parents deaths - like I had willed it to happen.  I felt very alone.

I was lucky enough to meet my husband a few years later and finally felt like my life was changing for the better.  But then after 3  hearthbreaking miscarriages I was back to wondering why I was being punished so much.  Then we did IVF which was again stressful but we were blessed with a gorgeous child who is now 7 and I love to the moon and back (and twice around the carpark).  The only person we have to help us is my mother in law who has been hospitalised for severe depression and anxiety several times in the last 10 years - I cannot lean on her too much as I don't want her to become ill, and so I can't even discuss this with her.

I started seeing a counceller through work, but it isn't helping - she seems more concerned about herself and her experiences in life than me.  Her answer to work being so stressful was "just quit - my mother quit a job when I was little and I don't remember that impacting us that much" - umm yeah not helpful.

Her answer to all my stress was to create a mental manila folder and put it all in there and file it away and deal with it sometime in the future.

I also have severe sleep apnea and have to sleep with a cpap machine to get any quality sleep.  Scared one day I won't wake up.  Hubby was also scared of that before I got the machine.

Step by step - little steps.  It's all I can think of doing. 

 

Hi L.S.  Sorry to call you that, it's easier than your full given name.  The mental manila folder idea is not as silly as it sounds.  Another idea, write down when you're feeling stressed, that will help you 'centralize' when it happens.  I would say the sleep apnea could be because you're waiting for something bad to happen.  Quite often with one crisis after another (like you), we are on 'tenterhooks' waiting for the next crisis.  I would say maybe your counsellor might have been trying to use her solutions to her problems to help solve yours.  You know, the counsellor tried this and it worked for her.  You are not to blame for your parents death, I was very distressed when I read that.  Your parents were ill, it was their time.  Nothing you could have done would've prevented that.  May I just add something here.  God never actually punishes us when we sin, He disciplines us.  If we continue to sin, then He will punish.  You are not being punished.  The things that have happened to you, unfortunately could not have been prevented.  Maybe another counsellor could be the answer.  Have you tried contacting BB counsellors, there are excellent counsellors who would be able to guide you through the dark times you are experiencing.   With your sleep patterns, have you tried seeing a Dr for MILD tranquillisers.  I say mild because you don't want to go the complete opposite.  Also a Dr might be able to recommend a counsellor.

Hope to hear from you again.  We're always here if needed.

Cheers  Pipsy.

Thank you Pipsy.  You have helped me a lot.  I am sorry - i never meant to upset you in any way.  I am still struggling.  Anxiety has me in it's wraps tonight and I have chest pains with it.  Tonight is the first night I have not been totally flat out.  I have buried myself in work, taking on a second job that has seen me out every night and weekend.  I know it isn't healthy but making myself so busy is a short term fix for me.- the week before that I was in hospital for 3 days with stomach pains that they thought was appendicitis, but turned out not to be.  Seems to have been caused by my back muscles being so tight (or so my chiro says).  Had bad back and neck pain. Then yesterday I got a call from my bank basically telling me they were selling the house on us.  I full on panicked as we have been making all our payments and then they called me back and apologised saying it was a mistake on their part.  But the damage was done and I just wanted to run, hide and cry.  You are right - I live from one "attack" to the next just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.  I struggle with letting myself be happy.  Thank you for caring.