The warmest of welcomes to you at an incredibly challenging time in your life which could be feeling like a bit of a pressure cooker right now.
Whether it involves the pressure to achieve, the pressure to face unresolved issues or the pressure to address emotions and what's behind them (amongst other things), it sounds like you're definitely under a lot of pressure right now. When there can be so many factors/challenges involved, it can be so hard to identify exactly where to start. I think you're already off to a good start, with all your questioning and your ability to identify key areas that are demanding your attention. It's certainly a start. As you'd know, a good start doesn't necessarily make a difference we can really feel.
Personally, I've found one of the keys to unlocking the way forward in a major transitional period in life involves being able to ask the right questions vs the wrong ones or the ones that aren't going to offer a sense of progress. With one of the key questions perhaps being 'What's behind all the anger?', I can relate to asking that question myself. I reached the conclusion some time ago that anger isn't necessarily an emotion in itself, it more so relates to a level of emotion. For example, I could be feeling a basic level of frustration or an angering/enraging level of frustration. I could be feeling a somewhat agitating level of intolerance or I could be feeling an angering/enraging level of intolerance. In other words, what can be felt as basic or agitating can build and build and go up levels until we reach an angering/enraging level where our frustration or intolerance can no longer remain unaddressed. We'll feel the level we're at. Anger is a driving force. Whether it's driving us to finally address what needs addressing or it's driving us to take action through a sense of injustice, it's not necessarily a bad thing unless it's becoming out of our control.
Sticking with the anger theme, I've found its origins aren't always that obvious. A deep dive can sometimes reveal the underlying reason/s. Having faced a lot of anger lately, within myself and from a sibling, much is coming to the surface regarding what lies beneath this anger. It goes way back and I have to say I'm waking up to a lot right now. Not easy, this waking up business. It can come with a lot of questions, revelations and emotions. Whether some of the anger you're experiencing is possibly coming from a backlog of previous trauma / abuse / parental issues / mental health issues, I suppose the next best question could be 'Is what I'm feeling right now the push to finally start addressing some of this?'. No matter what it is that's leading you to feel so much anger, the question remains 'Can this relationship with my partner survive me not addressing what's leading me to feel and express so much anger?'.
I feel for you so much as you face this time of great questioning. Personally, I've found a time of great questioning heralds a significant quest. Whether it's the quest for a greater sense of self understanding, self development, a greater understanding of life or something else entirely, the right questions tend to pave the way forward. Sometimes it definitely pays to have guides who can help us find the way forward, so that we're not traveling at a snail's pace in the dark. Btw, with the 'blame' factor, I get it. I really do. I've found it's not necessarily about blaming, more so about finding the faults or cracks in the foundations.
