Starting my first full-time job as a mental health clinician

[ourorbit]

Hi all,

I have recently graduated from my social work degree and have landed a great job in NSW Health working with the community.

I have been dealing with my anxiety since I was a baby, and currently believe I am handling it the best I ever have with a good support network and medication. However, these coping mechanisms have not stopped me feeling full of crippling anxiety and self doubt over beginning my new job on Monday.

I suppose some of my fears are centered around me not being good at my job, not catching onto concepts quickly enough, and just being generally inadequate to help my clients through their own difficult circumstances. I am so afraid of something bad happening to my clients due to my own mistakes or negligence. I am terrified of missing assessments or documentation that I have to do, and not doing everything perfectly the first time around. I think this stems from my fear of others being disappointed in me. I hold really high expectations of myself and have been told that I place unrelenting standards on any kind of work I do. I also suffer from bowel issues induced from my stress and anxiety that cause me severe pain, so I also have anxiety over getting this pain at work and not being able to do my job adequately. I suffer from panic attacks every now and then (used to be daily however I have gotten my anxiety under control where I now have panic attacks maybe once every few months) and am afraid of having a panic attack at work. I am also sad over losing a lot of my free time to full time work, and not being able to see family and friends as much as I’d like to as I value this time deeply.

I have this sense of grief and existential dread that I will now be working for the rest of my life, and I have entered this mundane and predictable phase of my life where I work 5 days and look forward to the weekend. I am so afraid of my life being mundane, boring and unfulfilling and get the sense that beginning full-time work symbolises the beginning of just that.

I already know most of the people at my work as I completed my final university placement there, and they were all very keen for me to come back as a member of their team. This should be comforting to me, however I feel it places more pressure on me to perform to a high standard in my role to meet the expectations I THINK they have of me.

The inside of my head is a mess right now and I’d love to hear if anyone has experienced something similar or has any tips or advice?

[geoff]

Hello Ourorbit, a warm welcome to the forums.

What you have achieved is remarkable suffering from anxiety and you should give yourself a pat on the back because accomplishing this course would not have been easy with this condition but able to cope as your qualification each year was a few years away, but now you've been able to get a job, the reality sets in.

You need to respect the position you're in, it's going to take time to learn the outlines of what you're able to do and what you can't, this will take time and practice and be rewarded and sometimes pulled up by management by making the incorrect decision, this is nothing but the protocol of learning how this system works, compared to what you were taught at uni, both are correct but different in their own circumstances.

I am just wondering whether or not you know about 'intrusive thoughts' and please excuse me for asking as I'm sure you might, and just wondering how you feel about this.

Every person and every situation is going to be different even though they might look similar on the outside, but on inside the situation may branch out in another direction, that's when your experience and knowledge will be needed to help these people, and after a few days, your confidence will slowly grow much stronger.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[ourorbit]

Hi Geoff,

thank you for the welcome and thank you so much for replying to me!

I always forget to be proud of myself and my achievements because my anxiety can be very loud in telling me I can and should have done better, or that my achievement was a fluke and not a reflection of my true abilities. Thank you for reminding me to challenge this.

It is a relief to hear you explain that learning and becoming proficient in these processes takes time and that I’m not expected to be perfect straightaway. This is something I struggle immensely with.

Intrusive thoughts are definitely something I struggle with daily and they cause me a great deal of stress.

Thank you so much for your reassurance Geoff,

Ourorbit

[Matchy69]

Hi ourorbit I also would like to welcome you to the forums.I know a few social workers and best advice I can give you is always listen and try to understand the other person and have compassion for them.It is a job you will allways be learning in.Just have that self belief in yourself and be prepared to adapt to different situations.every person is different with different needs.
Take care,
Mark.