Started all over again..

[Leslie]

So I have had experience with severe anxiety in the past, to the point where I can't eat, can't sleep and literally can't sit still. I have gotten through it in the past after basically just waiting it out and I thought I had overcome it. Something has triggered my anxiety again yesterday and I am struggling to pinpoint why. I feel like I can come up with lots of 'this could be why' explanations or maybe it's all of the things. 

My main symptoms is a sick churning feeling in my stomach. Sometimes it is constant but at the moment it is on and off. It stops when I am distracted by something but as soon as I let my mind think again it comes strait back. I can barely eat, I am force feeding myself just so my stomach doesn't hurt from lack of food but I have zero appetite. I wake up every day feeling nauseated for as long as I can remember, I honestly feel awful on waking but I'm not sure why. I am so tired and groggy from constant worry but I can hardly sleep. When I do fall asleep I wake up in the early hours worrying and heart pounding. 

I have a beautiful partner but they don't know how to help and it is not up to them anyway. I think I am stressing about my work but my work isn't THAT stressful so I think it's my personality mostly. 

I have tried all the techniques but I just feel like it's a case of riding it out again which sucks because I don't know how long it will be pure torture for. I hate myself for being this way, my life is not otherwise uncomfortable. I can't predict when this will happen which makes it more devastating when it does.

Why can't I just get peace? It's my brain that's broken so why can't my brain fix it?

[Trav]

Hi Leslie,

Yes been to Mental Health support person now 3 times over 3 weeks.  Mainly still in "getting to know me and my history" but it feels good to talk to someone about it who has expereince in the area.  My symptoms re nausea and sweats/tingles have eased but still in the "cloudy" feeling of disassociation or whatever you might call it - hard to explain but for those dealing with it they completely get it. Still grinding through work and normal life but it's a huge challenge while not feeling my "normal self".  I hope and maintain focus on being as positive as possible and trying to acknowledge the negative self talk whilst not dwelling on it and looking for a distraction to switch my train of thought.  Hopefully all of this process which is around 6 weeks in now will keep chipping away and give me tools and resilience to better understand myself and make me stronger in the future.  

I hope you are going well now.  All the very best. 

[Annas1]

Hi Trav,

It's really great to hear that you are following a solid path of support and recovery even in the midst of considerable responsibilities and ongoing symptoms. I want to acknowledge how impressive this is and encourage you to honour yourself at this point in the journey - big high five for you! This is an attitude/practice I try to remember for myself when times are tough and I'm starting out on the latest path to self-recovery. We are heros in our own lives and this is truly commendable.

I think it is pretty normal for anxiety symptoms to linger, especially in the early days and weeks of our recovery. Our nervous systems have been at high pitch for a long period and they will take time to reset at a more easeful point. Prioritise this process of calming your nervous system and use all the tools you have to nurture yourself and limit outside stressors.

As the days and weeks go by I'm sure you will perceive improvement in how you are feeling and growing confidence in your ability to care for yourself.

Sending you encouragement and care.

[Trav]

Thanks very much for your support and encouraging words.... I really appreciate it and it's given me some more things to think about regarding my self awareness and looking after myself through this journey. Agree I think (and hope!) I'll see some gradual and consistent improvement soon.  Sometimes I wonder when I am feeling more "normal" in the evening (which is great - almost a huge relief to be honest), whether I am getting a little better as I'm simply getting more used to feeling crap or am I actually being some confidence and resilience - maybe both!... thanks again!!