Spiraling downward

[AnonymousLass]

Hi there,

I have been suffering from anxiety since I was a young child - I got diagnosed at the age of 18 with major depressive disorder and social/generalised anxiety when I was seeking help from psychiatrists and psychologists. I am 24 now and it’s been a constant roller coaster of “am I better or worse than where I was since starting this journey of life being all about my mental health?”

I have quit over 5 different jobs in the last 6 years over my anxiety, I have dropped out of university because of failing grades and lack of attendance. I essentially see no prospects for my future and those around me are becoming increasingly worried about my inability to leave the house and my flakiness when it comes to seeing people and sticking to plans (which inevitably gives me more anxiety for succumbing to my avoidance)

I do have great family support, which I can appreciate that without it I most likely would not be here and I would be homeless/unable to afford my medication as they financially support me.

Lately I have been too anxious to go to my doctor appointments and far too anxious to go to Centrelink to apply for a disability pension over the fact that I cannot keep a job down because of my illness. I’ve isolated myself from friends because I don’t feel good about myself, i have nothing to talk about since my day revolves around being at home using my pets as support and therapy. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to leave bed as I know I need to feed them and make sure they’re ok.

Its not all gloomy, and I can appreciate that. I have days where things feel good and my anxiety isn’t as overwhelming, or my depression isn’t keeping me slumped. But it’s so hard to start my day when the first thing I feel upon waking is dread, tingling coursing through my body, heat covering my chest and face and the day of anxiety awaits ahead.

Im currently on medication that I take daily which I’m scared to come off of as the withdrawals are horrible. I’ve tried other medications for anxiety which provides a mask and temporary relief however the potential for addiction is there and I avoid asking my doctor for them for fear of misusing for euphoric effect rather than a tool to help me progress through my day without psychical symptoms.

I’ve avoided my psychologist and psychiatrist and have not seen them in well over a year and only go to a GP to get my prescription signed and sometimes I get a family member to do it for me.

Anyone else come out of this?

[Chloe_M]

Hi AnonymousLass,

i suffer from anxiety and depression. I understand what you have been feeling and are feeling. And I'm listening.

You made a good start. Seeking help as a young person is the best start to tackling MH (mental health) problems. The sooner you do something, the quicker to heal. Having a supportive family helps too. They surround you and know you better than anyone else. It would be hard to not have them on your team.

You will get those days were nothing could ruin your good mood. That you are in top of the world and nothing can bring you down. It's a truly amazing feeling. Euphoric even. Take advantage of those days. I had one the other day and then went though a horrible depressive session which is coming to an end (I feel) now.

I mentioned in another thread to someone else, that opening up to people is extremely difficult. I think you need to try and do this. Talk to a close friend. If you can't go out and meet them, get them to come to your house. You have built walls around yourself. Thick ones. They need to be deconstructed, slowly and carefully.

i can't help much in the subject of medication, I am undiagnosed and of course unmedicated , so I would just say do what you feel is right, follow your gut feel.

i think you should make an appointment with one of your psychs, avoiding them isn't the greatest idea, and it sounds like you need better and professional help. We here may be good listeners and helpers, but we aren't professionals.

All the best, good luck, and let me know how you are feeling and if I helped.

warm wishes,

chloe x