Social anxiety is torture

[44Max44]

So today I went to my best friend's Dad's birthday party that I was invited to a couple of weeks back. I told my best mate that I was hyped for it and keen to drink a lot and have a good time, but really I was super nervous for it, I could hardly sleep, my heart was racing the entire walk to his house, and I was dreading it if I'm honest. My mindset was as long as I drink enough my anxiety will go away and I'll have a good time, it's worked for all the parties I've gone to before this so why wouldn't it this time?

Anyways, I get to his house, all is well and good, and I go to mix my first drink. I was mixing it on top of this big keg that his Dad had restored not too long before and didn't want to get dirty, but all of a sudden his dog jumps up onto the keg with her front paws and knocks the drink over. Great, now I'm at least partially responsible for getting coke all over this keg that his Dad doesn't want to get dirty, and on his birthday no less. I know it wasn't my fault that his dog jumped up and knocked it over, but I still feel really guilty. I hate being the centre of attention and my drink getting knocked over made me exactly that (at least in my mind). To top it off, my friend then had to spend 10-15 minutes just wiping the keg off and soaking up all the drink. I felt so bad but couldn't even muster up an "I'm sorry" or "No let me clean it up" because my anxiety is that bad.

Anyways, after that, I couldn't get that out of my mind. I kept replaying it over and over thinking that my friend was mad at me or something because of the drink, even though he probably wasn't and knew it was an accident. I ended up 'going to the toilet' several times to just sit on it on it mindlessly doing stuff on my phone, because anything was better than having to socialize. I suck at it so bad and am always so awkward it drives me nuts.

I made it a grand total of 2 hours before I made up an excuse of "I'm going to buy more drinks to mix with" when in reality I was just going home. I feel like utter trash lying to my best friend but I just can't take it. I needed to find a way out of there. I'm writing this not even 5 minutes after getting home because I just need to get it off my chest. On the walk home I was on the verge of tears and when I finally got home I couldn't hold them back. I hate it so much.

At this point I'm not sure what to do. I want to message my friend and be honest with him and tell him why I left, but I don't want him to think badly of me.

[44Max44]

Just had to vent, not necessarily looking for any advice but it'd be helpful nonetheless.

Thanks guys

[Croix]

Dear 44Max44~

Welcome here to the Support Forum, and yes you are right, it is torture.

It is also something that no one should have to feel. It would be great if you realy did look forward to going to the party, that you laughed off the mess and helped clean up and if you were not forced to retreat, first to the toilet, then home.

It is also a real worry you are relying on drink to help you get though, that creates its own serious problems quite quickly.

Anxieties such as you have to put up with are not uncommon, I've been in a somewhat similar place myself, and found I did not get better, in fact kept getting worse, until I had proper support. That was mainly medical. I had competent medical care, meds, therapy and counseling, and it helped greatly.

I no longer feel as I did.

So may I ask you if you are under treatment for your anxiety? Also of course if you have told anybody else about it at all - many such as myself - did not until things got very bad and were therefore harder to treat?

Trying to deal with all this alone is a huge burden, and I found just the fact of telling another and not being judged, but actually helped, made a world of difference. I felt so much lighter and not alone.

If you are under 25 I'd strongly suggest the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) -you can web-chat on their website if you do not want to talk

https://kidshelpline.com.au

If over 25 I'd suggest a long consultation wiht your GP and take it from there.

People do live with anxiety for great periods of their lives, thinking it is just part of them , when it is in fact simply an illness, like any other. I'm no doctor so cannot say for sure but you sound awfully like I was

Is there anybody to give you personal support in your life, just listen and not judge, just care, a family member perhaps? Talking things over and not being alone makes a difference.

I'd like to hear what you think

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Max, thanks for relaying your story and with not having social anxiety, it's a situation we could only laugh at, but unfortunately, if you are suffering from it, then the experience is awful and certainly embarrassing.

Your friend will know what his dog is capable of doing, and probably maybe something he is trying to stop, and if you do contact him, he may say straight away that it's not your fault and it's not.

No one can predict what a dog will do, not unless it's fully trained, so tryy not to transform or add to how you feel by what his dog has done.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Whatsinaname]

I see a lot of myself in this post. I find it a bit of catch 22, if you go you feel anxious the whole time but you make an excuse to not go you feel like you're missing out.

Anyway, I just wanted to touch on the drinking part. I don't know if it's just myself but when I drink my anxiety actually gets worse. At a point in my mid 20s I made the decision to stop drinking to excess and then stopped drinking all together. I have found smaller parties are niche and I actually enjoy them, whilst still being somewhat anxious. I found a few people had issues with the no drinking, but my real friends understood it.

It sounds like to me you should chat to your friend about it, you'd be amazed how many people had similar issues. I ended up chatting to my best friend and found he struggles with his own mental health issue. We now bounce off each other about meditation etc.