Hi everybody,
I'm new to the beyondblue forums. I signed up today because I had another panicky/anxiety-scare moment and I just want to tell some people about it and maybe compare what they might have gone through with what I am experiencing.
I've had problems with depression in the past, but I think I'm through all that. I've also had very occasional panic attacks in the past; one when I was about 16-17, one in 2012, one in June last year, and one in December last year. In almost every situation except the one in June, I had just been through a very stressful event, so I always kinda saw it as a normal response.
Anyway, since early-mid last year, I was living with a person who was really stressing me out. In the second half of last year, I also had a lot going on and was getting very little sleep. Then, around February this year, I had an argument with a housemate (a different one to the stressful one), then had a joint, went to bed, couldn't sleep, had another two puffs on one and then freaked out, though I was having a heart attack, and called an ambulance. By the way, this was the only time I'd had this reaction to this drug except in June the previous year.
Anyway, since then, I've quit weed, I've massively reduced my tobacco smoking (about 5 per day, gold strength, two filters), and I've quit coffee. But I'm still anxious every day and nearly panicking every couple of days.
I'm super anxious about my heart and my general health. I often get a racing or pounding heart when anxious, and I start thinking I am going to have a heart attack and die. Today, for example, I had two sips(!) of a coffee that someone bought for me, then about two hours later, I had two drags on a cigarette, and suddenly I had the racing heart, a pain in my armpit, feeling of dread...I'm just so sick of it. I'm seeing a therapist but I only have three sessions left and I don't know what I will do when they run out. Even though I can rationalise all of this - it's muscle pain, I slept funny, it's a stress response, etc. - it doesn't make it any easier to cope with. I just want to be able to live my life without freaking out over the slightest things! I'm quitting smoking in two weeks, but I want to be able to drink coffee! Or not be afraid of panicking on a theme park ride! Or just have one day where I don't think about it...
Anyway, almost at character limit, so I'll leave it there. Anyone else had this experience? Especially re: the heart fears
