So Scared to Have a 3rd Baby

[Pink01]

Hi,

I am having so much anxiety around having a 3rd baby. This has gone on for years but previously I have been able to tell myself we’ll just leave it for a bit and look at it again in say 6 months or so. Now it has really come to the point where I feel its now or never. By the end of this year my children will be 7 and 5. I am so worried about the age gap being too big now.
The thought of being pregnant again and the whole life change makes me feel so sick and scared.

The anxiety is at its worst at the time of the month when my period arrives as I know I have to make a decision. The other time of the month I feel good and think yes I can have another baby it will be great, I will love it. Then when it comes down to crunch time I cannot commit. I completely freak out. I fall asleep then wake up an hour or so later in a panic. I wake up in the morning and feel this instant dread.
This has been going on for so long now and I don’t want to keep feeling this way.

I feel I do want another baby, i’m just so scared of going through it all again. I’m scared how it will change our lives and how my children will take it all.
I feel I would love to experience another baby again, I just don’t know if i’m past thag stage. I honestly feel its impossible and it all just makes me so sad and I am sick of feeling this way. A big part of it is not having any support, besides my Husband.

[Pink01]

I think it may be something deeper. I’m just not sure exacty what or whether a number of things. Since having my kids my relationship with my Mother has pretty much deteriorated. I realised alot of things about her and the way she treats me. If I ever asked for help it was either her way or no way. If I didn’t agree with her she would leave and I wouldn’t hear from her in weeks which was out of the ordinary for her because we would talk every day. She’s very judgemental. She is a people pleaser but puts other people before her own child. This is hard as the one other person I thought I could rely on for their support no matter what was my Mum but I know now I don’t have that or if I do it’s way more stressful than its worth.
Also I have in the past had a couple of pregnancy scares where I thought I was pregnant and gone into a complete panic and I was adament in that moment that I didn’t want another baby then afterwards realised I wasn’t pregnant and a few months later I would be back to doing the same thing of thinking we should have another baby.
Just cant shake this feeling of dread and sadness around it and it shouldn’t be like that.

[monkey_magic]

Hi Pink01,

My mum's got her flaws also. It really strains the relationship. Maybe one day you can have a vulnerable, open and honest talk to her about what you don't appreciate, how it's making you feel and come up with a solution. But then again some ppl r unable to recognise things in themselves and are unable to change.
My mum did eventually change though through time so it's also possible.

If u do decide to have a baby I'd want you to be excited and happy about the decision. But I suppose it's also a daunting and sad, dreadful time dealing with hormonal changes and everything that goes on with pregnancy and delivery.

Weigh up your options and see what suits you best.

[Pink01]

Ive just woken up again with this overwhelming feeling of dread. Why does this happen every night?

It’s hard to even imagine another child in our family.

[Ggrand]

Hello Pink..

Sorry that you woke up with an overwhelming feeling of dread...

I wish I could give you an answer..to why it’s happening every night...

Pink..I’m wondering if you would consider making an appointment with your GP and have a talk about what your thinking and the way your feeling...I am no Dr, or professional, just thinking that it might be anxiety making you feel/think the way you are,...and your Dr. would be able to help you if your diagnosed with anxiety....Maybe your husband could accompany you as well....

Its a big decision for you to make...and it’s one that only you and your husband can make...No one else can decide for you....and I’m sure you will make the right decision....for you and your family..

Talk here anytime..I’m listening when I am able to..

Kind thoughts..

Grandy..

[Kate_kate]

Hi Pink01,

I’ve just come across your post from last year, as I was googling for advice on deciding to have a 3rd baby.
I feel exactly the same as you have described. I have two happy healthy boys and would love a 3rd baby, but feeling very scared and anxious of the unknown, and “starting again” and if it’s the right thing. I feel like it’s now or never.

would love to hear what you decided and how you made your decision.

hope everything is going well for you and your family 🙂

kate

[quirkywords]

hello everyone and thanks for this thread pink

Kate_Kate

welcome to the forum and thanks for making your first post.

it can be a difficult decision about having another child.
I always wanted a third child but thought would it be difficult and family thought it maybe too much. I did have another child and am glad I did. He is now a dad .

I think you have to think what is best for you and your family.

Have you discussed how you feel with your partner.

As you can see this post hasn’t had a reply before you did for many months.
so if you wanted you could start your own thread so more people can see your post.

thanks again for your post.