Similar issues?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Hey everyone, 

For context, I am a Uni student who relies on her parents financially. Almost 2 years ago my parents brought a house and thus we have a mortgage. My father works in a sector that is very competitive nowadays and hasn’t been able to get work since September. Obviously this is affecting both my parents mental health due to stress. 

my issue is that I am also struggling significantly. I have always had anxiety and depression but since August last year I have not articulated this to anyone. 

in August my little sister had a bad self harm episode which really affected me but since my parents where focusing on her I didn’t tell them so they wouldn’t need to worry. Now with my dad unemployed I am doing the same thing they think I’m fine but I’m not.

i am also the de facto therapist letting my parents both talk about their worries with me but I really just want someone to comfort me and tell me I will be ok. I am exhausted taking on everyone else’s mental load.

due to the dynamics of my family I simply can’t reveal how much I am struggling so I was wondering what people would suggest I do/ has anyone been in this situation I can’t afford a therapist at the moment so that’s off the cards.

I love my studies at uni and am heavily involved in campus life and my worst fear is I will need to start working and study online as my parents won’t be able to support me anymore, this would destroy me as Uni is my relief from all this and is a fear that keeps running through my head. 

[indigo22]

Hi LucreziaBorgia,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am sorry to hear how you are feeling, life is not meant to be this difficult at such a young age. I do understand what you are doing and why you are doing it, I did something similar after my brother died when I was 14. We get into the thought pattern that we must not be a burden when our parents are going through a difficult time, but you are taking on responsibility that is not yours to take on.

The situation in your home life is based on decisions and choices your parents made, you were just brought along for the ride. You are the child in this situation, it is the parents role to take care of you, not the other way round. If you continue to take on this level of stress, you will only hurt yourself in the long run in the form of mental and physical issues.

So the first thing you need to do is to start taking care of yourself first, you can't be of help to anyone else if you are not in a healthy place to do so. I realise you are not in a financial position to seek professional help at this time, but there are alternatives that are at your disposal. There should be counselling services at your uni, so this would be your first avenue, your uni need to know what you are struggling with in order to assist you.

The second avenue is the below helpline which is run by professionals and is available 24/7 to anyone up to 25 years of age. They can also look at what support may be available to you in your area. It is really important you start talking to someone about this, preferably someone with professional expertise.

You will always be welcome to talk here also, we will be here to support you. You have taken the first brave step in reaching out here, you just need to take the next steps to look after yourself. It is best to get on top of this early, the longer you leave it the longer it will take to recover. Please also give this number to your sister so she can talk to someone in real time as well.

Kids Helpline - 1800 55 1800

Your parents need to be talking to their own therapists, it is not your job to look after their mental welfare. If they cannot afford it, they should also be using the helplines that are available to them such as Lifeline, Beyond Blue, etc. You can care about how things are affecting them, but it is unhealthy for you to take on that support role and receive no support in return.

Please follow up to let me know how things are going and if you need any additional advice, please feel free to continue this conversation.

Thinking of you will care,

indigo 💜