Should I be upset?

[Lilac1]

Hey I don’t know if I should be as upset about this as I am.

I have been having really bad anxiety and maybe depression over the last few months. I decided to start an Instagram page because I use a lot of poetry to help express my feelings and it helps me, so I decided to be really creative and share it with others. I was honestly terrified it took my ages to gain the confidence to do it, I didn’t tell anyone because I just wanted it to be my own special thing to express myself and help others.

Its worked wonders, the lovely feedback and comments have helped me so much. Its hard to control my negative thoughts but I can control this, I’m doing it by myself and it’s made me so happy. I’m so proud of it and having the courage to do this when I’ve been so down.

Today someone I know found it and I didn’t expect to get so upset. I feel like it was just my own thing to express myself and be really raw and personal and now the one thing I had to myself to control I guess is ruined, it probably sounds silly but it means so much to me and having them know about it just crushed me. I didn’t expect to be so upset.

I am really upset and down about it, it’s not the persons fault, I don’t blame them but I just didn’t want to share it with anyone yet. Am I being dramatic? I feel it’s ruined the whole experience of why I made it, I love my followers and don’t want to stop because of them but I just feel like it’s ruined for me.

[Quercus]

Hi Lilac1,

I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel comfortable on your page anymore. That is understandably distressing. Especially if you were using it as a coping technique.

Do you think it might be worthwhile just waiting it out for a little while and seeing what effect this has?

I understand this feeling. Recently my Mum made a comment that made me feel uncomfortable because it made me think she had read things I wrote here. Like you I felt strangely upset. Which was silly as I told her from the start what my username was here.

And then I asked myself... Do I care? Is there anything I wouldn't say to her face? Or want her to know? Not really. I think what upset me is the idea of someone I know being aware of my thoughts and yet not openly telling me they followed me online. I think I got used to having the freedom to speak my mind and took for granted that although my husband, sister and mum and a few close friends know my username... They would tell me if they were reading. I took for granted that they didn't read and allowed me this space. But the reality is online spaces are for everyone. If you deleted that page and began another the person you know may just search for a similar page because your words help them. They might not have any idea who you are just that they enjoy your writing.

I'm sorry this isn't very helpful. I just wanted you to know someone understands a little and that you aren't alone.

Nat

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Lilac1,

Thank you for your post.

Short version: absolutely you have the right to be upset!

Longer version -

Using poetry to express into words how you are feeling is so vulnerable. I do a lot of journal writing; but whether it's poetry, blogging, drawings, music, paintings - it's so incredibly personal. I've had people share their poetry with me that they use and I know how intimate it can be. For me personally, it's a little bit like getting naked! It's such a private part of you that can finally be released onto paper.

I really applaud you for wanting to share this on your Instagram. I know that it can be a great outlet for sharing art, and I imagine that a lot of the feedback and hearts are not only because they like your words, but also because there's probably a lot that they may find they can relate to.

So yes - it's not being dramatic. I think that I would be upset too. I think in a way this could be a little bit of a make or break moment; is this where you can rise above it because the joy of sharing your art brings more joy than sadness, or is this the part where it's time to close your account and stop sharing?

I hope this helps a little 🙂

[geoff]

hello Lilac, what you have written down on your Instagram are moments of joy and times of love where you have been happy, this is what builds up your confidence, but for someone you know to read it breaks your confidentiality.

You are entitled to be upset but don't let this stop you from changing your name and start it up again in another format.

I too have siblings, friends and cousins who know of my role on this site who have said they have read my comments, now I don't worry, because they are my thoughts and hopefully if they have any concerns themselves it may open the door for them to have a think and if need be seek help. Geoff.

[Hang10]

Hi Lilac

How great is poetry. I too love to write. I wrote of all different subjects that affect me emotionally. I would read it out loud and change it so many times till it perfect it like art it your masterpiece.

I too like our others friends have posted, agree that you got a right to be upset. I think when someone read it that knows you,you get pre judged. When a stranger who knows you they see you outside the square.

Please keep writing. As your mention fans have love your work!!. They see the wonderful you. Take ya time to get back into it and remember all the wonderful people who have commented how great your poetry is.

All my best

Hang10.