Severe anxiety

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Originally posted by: Mahtab on 5 February 2013

I am a 25 year old psychology student that cannot get rid of constant negative thoughts & continuing panic attacks. I work in a bank as a teller and every day is a struggle to get up and get dressed as I fear what the day has in store for me. Back in 2007 my parents split and it was a messy divorce resulting in me being stuck in the middle, then in 2010, I witnessed someone get murdered and since then my anxiety has increased immensely. I constantly feel something bad is going to happen, I'm scared of big crowds, I think sooo negatively to the point where I start suffocating and almost choking. When im in public, i get this feeling that im detached from my body and my throat starts closing up. I shake to the point where my jaw feels like its going to break in half. I have a phobia of being sick which is on my mind 24/7. I never have a proper nights sleep unless the night before I stay awake until early morning and tire myself, I'm waking up every night around same time 2,3am and I start panicking for no apparent reason. I'm so sick of being sick! There is always always always something wrong with me, either headache or I'm tired or fatigued or moody, and I'm losing the ones I love because I keep snapping at them. I just want to be panic free and live a happy life but the only way I can do that is if I live on medication for the rest of my life 😞 😞 😞

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Originally posted by: David Charles on 5 February 2013

Dear Muhtab, Why not be panic free and happy living on medication for either the rest of your life or only at times when you really benefit from the support of drugs ? Most of your stressors - parents divorce, witnessing a murder - were not things you could have controlled. But taking pescription drugs is pretty OK. I've been on drugs for my bipolar (25 yrs) and sometimes they help a lot, other times I'm on optimal drug levels and I still get manic and there are the times I try exercise, mindfulness or sleep therapy and I feel like I don't even need the drugs. Banks hours are fairly regular so establishing a regular sleep pattern would be what I'd recommend first. Did you ever get counselling for those stressors ? Sounds like your brain is still processing the suddenness of those life experiences. That's too much anxiety and stress for a 25 yr old. Relaxing isn't anxiety free but most sleep therapies recommend giving up after 20 mins if the sleep's not really happening and distracting yourself before trying again. When I was really stressed I used to get up at 2am or 3am because I thought I'd heard the door bell but there was never anyone there ! [Unless you live on my street and were playing a prank on me every night.....................] I hope Scotty responds to you as he has more experience on this issue. Adios, David. PS Caffeine, even after 4pm, can stimulate the sensitive and make sleep impossible. You're NOT a victim here. You just need a few strategies. We are all sick on this site ! (No big deal). It's how you react to the stress that makes the difference. When you grandstand and make the problem even more worse than it is, i.e. AND SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE ON DRUGS, (shock, horror) you are totally missing the alternative point which is to take things slowly, a day at a time, thinking and appraising what helps and what sucks (possibly my response !) so that THE REAL YOU gets to understand and accept the subconcious reasons for your anxiety. This could take a while to get to grips with but you'll finally gain some insight and control. Your health needs to go from a huge debt to your emotions to a compound interest loan that just builds on the yearly achievements but makes you a solid investment as a human. To use the banking analogy. (Or attempt to). I am a musician so forgive me. But we both work with notes !!!

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Originally posted by: stephen on 5 February 2013

Hi Mahtab, There are alternatives to medication. Are you seeing a psychologist to teach you coping mechanisms for the anxiety? And to also discuss the stress you have been under. Also are you doing any exercise? It is very good for anxiety. Stephen

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Originally posted by: Mahtab on 6 February 2013

thank you to both of you for your replies. It helps to know there are people who care... i do exercise, I visit the gym few times a week and I eat healthy as well, however the anxiety still creeps up on me. I have spoken to psychologists before, but I am too ashamed to talk about my problems, I am too afraid to let go and let it all out. I understand what you mean about delving deeper and trying to figure out the underlying issues causing this behaviour, but I can't move forward no ,after what I do. Some days I feel like ending my life, I have no hope for the future and I don't feel cared for enough by the ones around me. I think if I go it will be much better and I will be free of everything, I can't let go of the pain.. I agree medication is good but long term I have heard benzodiazepines are very addictive and I refrain most days from taking them as I am scared of becoming tolerant and becoming addicted, As others on this website may agree, I just wish I could wake up one day and feel normal, be normal..... Mahtab xo

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Originally posted by: David Charles on 7 February 2013

Dear Muhtab, ......."and one day wake up normal"......made me think that if you produce your own Bollywood film then you can be guaranteed of a happy ending, so to speak. I don't think you have to delve too deep - a good hour with a decent counselor can be just the tonic for some anxious people (or film stars). Also, cutting the grass is a great release. There's a lot of attention given to sweaty men and it's a great contrast to you sedentary bank job. Just try anything different. Change your furniture around. Sing in the shower. It'll release brain patterns to challenge and release the angst. Adios, David. PS And if the suicide thoughts persist at least write a bucket list and grab some madness amongst the sadness.

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Originally posted by: Steph on 7 February 2013

What a terrible situation you are going through, it breaks my heart that people can't enjoy life and live with these mental disorders. I myself have chronic anxiety and also been diagnosed with chronic depression in the past. I honestly think the best thing to do is to go talk to a professional about what you are feeling, don't be ashamed; so many people live with these diseases. I went on medication for anxiety for a couple for months and came off it as the side effects were terrible. I've last 8 months and just last week had a anxiety attack where the ambulance is called. I was trying so hard to be strong, but sometimes you really need help. It's not a sign of weekness, or doesn't change who you are. I'm about to start new medication again tomorrow so wish me luck 🙂

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Originally posted by: hayley on 7 February 2013

Hi there, I was just reading your post. I am currently teaching a class on anxiety and was interested to know more about it so that I could use information to add to the teaching. I was struck by your mesg and realized how debilitating anxiety can be. What we teach in the classes is that our problems of anxiety, stress, worry and fear are all coming from within our mind therefore the real way to deal with these problems is to use meditation to train out of negative thinking. Often our mind gets stuck on the negative (our imagination often goes into overdrive) until we have fully exaggerated the situation and it causes anxiety and worry. The way to really solve this problem is to use mindfulness and change our way of thinking - make our habit positive thinking. Meditaiton definitely helps so I would highly recommend you try it. Often when we have these problems we think we are alone however if you ask most people you will find that they ALL experience stress, anxiety and worry to some degree. This can help us to understand that we are not the only one that suffers and help us get a better perspective of the situation. Anyway, I really hope everything works out for you. I suffered from depression for a long time and used meditation and Buddhist teachings on controlling the mind to re-train my thinking. I refused to use medication as well but I think it can be helpful in some severe cases. Ultimately though, if we want to stop these problems then we need to re-train our way of thinking. I really hope this helps in some way and don't give up!!! You are not your anxiety and one day you will be free of it ;-) hayley

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Originally posted by: mahtab on 8 February 2013

Thank you so much for your replies. David, your response made me laugh. Thankyou, and yes I agree.. I think I need to change my environment also, I have moved interstate away from my family and I think I'm not giving myself time to settle in.. I think I really do need some excitment, i feel like life is such a drone and a problem... Steph, i totally understand what you're going through, and thank you for your understanding. It really is difficult isnt it? and it doesn't help when people around you just don't understand, people at my work, and around me just say "omg, stop thinking so much!" and "you're doing it yourself" (i hate that!!!) Thank you for the support and encouraging me to not feel ashamed, its so hard because I come from a middle eastern background and people judge you so quickly and easily over anything and everything and I'm soo used to being judged and talked about that I have become the type where the smallest thing will get to me and I'll end up in the hospital from axiety it sucks :( I hope things get better for you also, and good luck for your new medication, wish you all the best and thankyou again for writing and helping me see that I'm not the only one out there with this debilitating illness xo Hayley, your classes sound very interesting, it would be so good to check them out and good on you for running them..Yes i agree anxiety is very debilitating, It makes me want to hide away from the world to avoid panicking in public and looking like an idiot..Meditation is a fantastic thing, I like to listen to the sound of waves through youtube or rainfall and that helps me to calm down..I commend you on working through your anxiety and getting through it without the constant use of medication.. it seems to be the easiest way through it..The problem with my case is that I have always had a positive mind but out of nowhere it has struck me, somedays i will think im happy and then suddenely I can't breathe. I don't understand the concept of anxiety and it is driving me crazy!!! It mainly hits me when Im around a bunch of people and it is the strangest feeling, like i am not in my body, i am detached and i am listening to the conversation through someone else or something, i must sound so crazy!! I don't know how to explain it, it makes me want to cry thinking about it, i feel like i am mental or something Thank you for your support and understanding and positive encouragement it really really helps to know i am not alone..I just hope one day with the help of time, medication and positivity everyone can work through this illness xo

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Originally posted by: Scotty on 8 February 2013

Hi Mahtab I hear you loud n clear Anxiety is very debilitating, Panic Attacks, Agora. Benzo's are ok really I've been on them for a good 20yrs i think, They get a bad rap like other things, but used properly can help you. I think Addiction Vs Functional you know, if it allows me the drug to get out , well so be it. You can take them PRN like not everyday.... Nocturnal PA are horrible 3am nothing worse than waking up to one of them... Goodluck TC

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Originally posted by: Mahtab on 9 February 2013

Hi Scotty, Thank you for your reply. I've never had Benzo's before, are they anti-depressants or calming medication? I totally get what you mean about waking up to panic attacks in the middle of the night, when the whole world is sleeping, and negative thoughts are like "end of the world" thoughts. So horrible 😞 And you just can't calm down no matter what you do. I feel like my jaw will break some nights from how bad my teeth chatter it's scary...