Scared of dying

[Liz-ard]

Hi I have been having these panic attacks that are intense.
My youngest daughter left last year to go live in Townsville and it broke my heart. I suffered for 8mths till my Dr decided I needed more help and was put into a private mental facility which I stayed for 2 mths. Which did help, but I find it hard to follow what I was taught in there to do it at home. She also had been wanting to join the Army and this happened last week and I’m heart broken all over again. I don’t know if it’s the fear of something happening to her, but because of all of this I’ve had to see a Cardiac specialist as my heart rate is so irregular and I’m trying not to stress, but the fear is taking over my life. I have no family and I don’t have many friends so I’m all alone. Any advice?? 

[geoff]

Hello Liz-ard, firstly if your heart beat is irregular, like mine is, there is a condition that causes this and I've been put on medication to thin my blood, I wish I could tell you the name but due to the BB rules I can't, but should be easy to find.

When you go into a private mental facility, what you are taught or what you learn is slightlyt different to when you are back home, because the secluded environment doesn't exist at home, the phone rings, you need to shop, clean, cook etc, while at the facility it's all done for you, plus you can decide who you want to see, whereas at home this may not be possible.

As an example the same happens when you leave rehab, which isn't your situation.

Being a parent, we never expect what our kids are going to do in the future and when it suddenly happens we aren't prepared and find it so difficult to comprehend, but it doesn't stop us communicating with them on visual social media these days.

It is always heart breaking for a parent, but it still doesn't mean that one day they will return back to us, for whatever reason.

What goes through our kids mind doesn't mean it's going to happen, many ideas and/or thoughts flow through mind which may or may not eventuate and there may be times when we feel anxious about losing them and what they want to do, that's totally understandable, but one of my sons is now my carer, something I never thought would happen and the other son rings me 4 times a week, so life is unpredicable.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Petal22]

Hi Liz-ard,

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it’s hard.

You sound as though you are very close to your daughter and I understand your heart break.

Im sorry that you have a fear of dying I understand that sometimes our fears can run very deep and cause us to have so many debilitating symptoms from them.

Have you been able to speak to a health professional about this fear?

I used to have a lot of different fears that caused me severe anxiety I endured panic attacks and always felt that doom was pending it was horrible.

I was diagnosed with OCD and I was able to attend a clinic that specialised in this.

One of the things we did in therapy was exposure therapy it was really hard at the time to do but eventually I got through it and in turn it desensitised my intrusive thoughts and I was also able to challenge my thoughts and beliefs in the process.

In turn this helped me to change my beliefs and when the thoughts arouse I was able to allow them to come in and go out without giving them my full attention it took alot of perseverance and practice.

I also learned to change my reactions to my thoughts which proved to be very helpful.

Have you ever tried meditation?

Hang in there ………. You will get through this…. 

[Hopskotch22]

Hey Liz-ard

Sounds like you're in choppy waters at the moment, but they will calm - you know they will. Being alone and in your own head all the time makes it especially tough and doesn't let you see a balanced view. Your mind makes up the theories and then that same mind believes them. And so the cycle continues. You need to put the brakes on that circular thinking. But I reckon you already know that.

I'm replying to you because I was your daughter once. My Mum couldn't cope when I left home and struggled to fill the gap and do anything else with her time. But now that I'm a mum with two older teenagers, my Mum and I talk about the struggles she faced. These reflective discussions have shown me that your kids moving on and having their own life is the best thing you could hope for them. Leaving the family home to pursue their life isn't something you should take personally, but instead celebrate that you raised an awesome kid that feels confident and motivated to go out into the world and have a crack.

Like any stage in their life, they'll need you for something different as they grow older. What your daughter needs from you now vs when she was 2, 6, 15, etc. is completely different. Don't feel threatened by the change, change is a good thing. Find comfort in the fact that you both have each other, but what you need from each other will keep evolving. 

Stay connected with her and support her every step of the way and she'll stay by your side.  

[Mark Z.]

Hi Liz-ard,

Welcome to the forum. I can tell that it's really frustrating. I'm sorry.

There's no doubt that you're a great parent, but I think it's time to turn your attention to yourself, to take care of yourself mentally and physically. Think about what you want to do, regain your hobby, spend more time in the nature, eat healthy food, exercise and sleep regularly. If it's really hard for you to do so, then you still need some professional support. I'd suggest you to call Beyondblue hotline and have a chat.

Your daughter is an adult and I believe she's expecting your support to her choices. Australian Army is a great choice if it's meaningful to her. You don't have to worry too much. While she's serving the country she'll be well looked after.

Mark