Saying no

[gloria10]

I've started to notice that I have trouble saying no to my family whether it is attending birthday parties or going to their place even if I'm not up for it. I feel I cant stand up to them if they get angry about it and then I feel pressured to attend, which leaves me stressed and unhappy about going. It becomes a bit of a nasty cycle. I don't want to have to cancel plans either as I know people get disappointed so I sort of feel stuck.

One thing I am slowly learning though is that I do need time to slow down a bit, even though everyone else can push themselves, its just not me. I know it may come across as lazy or that I don't care, its not that; I just need time to clear my head. I must admit I've cleared my plate a bit more the last two days and it has helped a lot. I'm not feeling as tired and feel I can cope with a little bit more.

Has anyone been through this? What are some things that have worked for you with declining invites? Any advice is appreciated.

Gloria10

[white knight]

Hi Gloria, hi again

There I a good saying "I'm not in this world yo live up to others expectations".

This is the frame of mind that you need to adopt as well as maintaining compassion and care. It's a balance but its also implementing boundaries. As you get older these boundaries become more se tin concrete because for many years you are running around trying to help other people and neglecting your own chores or mental health.

Here are a few threads that you can google. Even if you just read the first post in each

Topic: running around trying to save the world- beyondblue

Topic: nip it in the bud ideas- beyondblue

Topic: depression and toxic people- beyondblue

Topic: vulnerable, be ready to defend- beyondblue

Topic: defending yourself, don't be an easy target- beyondblue

Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue

Repos tin those threads or here. I hope they help

Tony WK

[gloria10]

Hi White Knight,

Thank you for the advice, I will look at the threads. I think I've realised that there needs to be a bit of give and take on both sides, not just me trying to please everyone else, it feels unbalanced. I like what you said about boundaries, this is one thing I haven't managed well over the years. If someone, kicked up a fuss, I generally gave in. However, after a few arguements in recent times I have had to think 'if they aren't there that much for me, how much am I willing to be there for them?'

Thank you

[gloria10]

So I thought I would update this entry rather than starting a new one as my current situation is sort of similar.

Over the past couple of months I've been trying to change my life a bit so I can feel happier and move forward, particularly with work. One of the things I'm finding though is that my dad and I just keep butting heads. We have a difference of opinion on what matters more when it comes to priorities and I feel he is crossing the line a few times, which makes it hard to trust him.

For example he keeps pushing for personal information that I would rather keep to myself and doesn't listen to what I say. When I've tried to confront him about different comments made he denies them and makes excuses.

I have been feeling a strong anxiety since all this has started and feel the need to keep my distance, but I am struggling to deal with this relationship. I think the biggest thing is that he is pushing boundaries and its hard to enforce them.

Any advice would be appreciated.