Rusty

[Rusty]

I am dealing with depression, anxiety and loneliness. I am working on connecting with other people and just visited a neighbour and had a nice chat and felt quite good, but I came home and began to feel lonely again. I’m curious to know if anyone has had this happen to them or felt this way and maybe some tips to overcome this?

[Happylife]

Hello Rusty,

Good to know you are feeling better.

With regards to anxiety in the evening, it is pretty common and can become worse by the quiet hours of the night where the mind can replay stress or unfinished thoughts leading to restlessness. Since there are fewer distractions at night, your mind tends to focus on all the worries of life.

For me, reading a book and mindfulness helps for eg enjoying the food that I eat, connecting with loved ones, thinking about nature etc. - some of the simple ways that helps me push anxiety aside and be mindful. You can try incorporating small moments of mindfulness into your day / night.

You can also try and create a space to unwind each evening by reading a book to simply relax and re-energize.

Hope this helps. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and try to take baby steps. I am here to listen, feel free to chat more if you feel like it...

Take care

Happylife

[Rusty]

Hi Happylife

Your words are spot on when it comes to how I feel in the evenings. It is the case that I don’t have as many distractions in the evening which is something I will look at, certainly reading a book is a great idea as I do like reading. I will continue to chat here on the forum as well 

[Rusty]

In an attempt to deal with my anxiety and loneliness I am on a journey of self discovery and finding self, I have found great pieces of advice but honestly am having difficulty in making sense of it all. I find it difficult to understand how to be compassionate to myself, or even know what my values are or who I really am.

I am interested in knowing what other people have done to achieve self love

[therising]

Hi Rusty

I believe my greatest revelation came to me in the moment I came out of long term depression, more than 20 years ago. In a nutshell, this took place within a post natal depression therapy group session. The facilitator asked us to name all the things we felt or experienced while in depression. She wrote them all upon a whiteboard. Every one of those traits related to me and then it hit me, 'The are not my traits, these are the traits of depression. If these are the traits of depression then who am I without them?'. The simple answer changed everything. 'I have absolutely no idea who I am'. For the last 20 years, I've been gradually discovering who I am.

As the saying goes 'It's not the destination, its the journey'. I don't believe we suddenly wake up one day knowing exactly who we are, therefor there's a path to discovering who we naturally are. The path is not all sunshine and rainbows, far from it at times. As we start to unpack all the depressing and/or anxiety inducing belief systems, values, ideas, perceptions etc that are not our own, the backpack or baggage we carry becomes lighter. As we start to replace them with tools, abilities, skills, constructive beliefs, constructive values and more, the backpack remains light yet full of more of what we need in order to keep going. 

The things that become undeniably true point to who we naturally are

• I am a traveler on my life's path
• I am a collector of skills, abilities, knowledge, ideas and more
• I am one who carries a compass within me, that points to what's depressing, what's stressful, what's liberating, what's joyful, challenging and more. The more I come to understand that compass (of feelings), the more I can learn to trust it and work with it
• I am a seeker of guides/guidance when I am feeling lost and alone
• I am a cartographer, mapping uncharted territory as I go along (with help or on my own, depending on the territory)

etc etc. You learn who you naturally are as you go along and cannot help but fall in love these elements. What is not to love about them?

[Rusty]

Hi therising

I appreciate the reply. I guess I do realise it is a journey not the destination. You brought up some great points. For me I think I’m just not sure where my journey is taking me and it’s quite scary when I don’t really know what I want or where I’m going, but there is a lot of good advice and it’s just a matter of figuring out where to start

kind Regards 

[therising]

Hi Rusty

It's definitely hard to get a sense of exactly where we are at times and where we're heading. Personally, I have little idea in regard to a clear vision. Can't necessarily see where I'm at or where I'm going. A general or vague sense will have to do for now. I do have a pretty good idea though when it comes to where I don't want to be. Where we don't want to be can be a good reference for feeling ourself moving beyond that point.

It's hard, hey, not having a seriously solid sense of direction or vision. In the meantime, we can identify little goals or destinations. They're still going to take us forward in some way. With Happylife mentioning reading a book, making it through to the end of a particular book can be one goal. From point A (the beginning) to point B (the final page), it becomes something that's integrated into the journey. Personally, I'm not a reader of novels. I'm a lover of informative books. Anything that can give me a greater sense of how I tick. Can't recall whether I've already mentioned it but one of the most fascinating books I've come to read would have to be 'Insanely Gifted: Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel' by Jamie Catto. Catto offers insight in regard to how he managed to beat a debilitating and deeply depressing level of anxiety earlier in his life. He's a brilliant writer with fascinating insight and a great sense of humour. Btw, over the years I've come to rename 'Self help' books to 'Help yourself to some information' books. Even if the much needed information I gain is one line on one page out of an entire book, it's still regarded as a mind altering revelation and worth reading the entire book for. 

[Rusty]

hi therising

It’s comforting to know people who feel how I do and are finding ways to move forward, it’s very inspiring

I had a great chat with my counsellor this afternoon and looking into making connections and feeling part of a group( or tribe as some people call it), and we came up with some small steps to move forward.

[therising]

Hi Rusty

It sounds like your counsellor is a brilliant guide, leading you to imagine the way forward while helping you to take steps in bringing that into reality. To find a visionary or seer who can see for us, while leading the way, can make all the difference in times where we may have temporarily lost sight. In the darkness, they shine a light on what is there for us to see.

[Rusty]

I feel I have been doing a lot of the right things to deal with anxiety and loneliness and slowly making headway. However I still have moments of anxiety and loneliness that just doesn’t want to stop, I miss connection and friendship. I do wonder if there will ever be an end to the loneliness.

[Rustyswingset]

I've been feeling lonely too, it physically hurts sometimes. Like my stomach has an sinking empty hole that swallows the hope to meet new people and makes me wonder if I should bother making friends because I'm pretty inconsistent due to mental health issues. Another part I find frustrating is whenever I'm with friends socialising makes me feel exhausted half of the time, so I can only keep up with a few friendships, and I end up avoiding close friendships because i am scared of hurting someone by being a bad friend. honestly i get most of my skinship from my cat sitting on me. i hope it's okay i talked about how i was feeling too, usually when i'm lonely i want to feel heard so i thought you might too.