Rusty

[Rusty]

I am dealing with depression, anxiety and loneliness. I am working on connecting with other people and just visited a neighbour and had a nice chat and felt quite good, but I came home and began to feel lonely again. I’m curious to know if anyone has had this happen to them or felt this way and maybe some tips to overcome this?

[Michy007]

Hi Russell, I'll keep writing/replying when I can. I am mostly a friendly social person, yet it can often feel a one sided event- friendship in general. It can feel that way, life in general at times. I've had a?! not so much drama since yesterday .. won'tgo into the long story, yet in summary .. I think most people forget other people have stuff going on in their lives, unwell or other. I get disappointed in people (friends) at times, particularly as I've been there for them, not so much in reverse. 
It is a bit sad really, that most can only think of their own needs, and then once I help them through their stuff- there is rarely much checking in- ie. how are you doing?
Anyhow apologise for the rant, let's just say others actions can affect me. I'm ok though, also determined to be fine- feel ok, just no wonder I feel disappointed in people, friends even at times
Thought I'd share this one- I've made friends with a stray cat who lives at hardware store. I go and feed him, gave him a water bowl the other day (Sat) as well. I'm told others feed him too- yet who cares, he's still very slim .. they say he catches mice there & so they like him being there. The thing I like/love about animals the most- they don't lie, no BS. Animals will always show body language- unsure, about to attack etc. Yet humans are the most dishonest of all- that's my spin on it. ie. someone may not like you (any of us) and behave in a way that's not good. People can disguise who they are- by being dishonest, and no real body language, no warning.
When it all boils down, animals are the most honest beings on the planet- compared to humans. That's just my spin on it. And it's also about avoiding being hurt by people, in general. Not even a relationship with a partner. 
Humanity is largely about deception these days- politics, all of it .. also further dividing us, the sense of community we once had. I just acknowledge where we're at now- compared to past. It's just never feltmore challening in many ways.  I'm still ok atm though, I have friends I can talk to- small circle of those who are truly there for me. Tis how it feels, yet any depression can have us looking through Sh* coloured glasses eh.
It can all take an effort, just keeping afloat at times.
Anyhow somehow I believe you've got this one- ie. have work coming, some relief eh. One day at a time eh. Life can be particularly tough if no close friends. I have a close few, others- while I do love/care about them, I just have to put them aside, cos I can't do one sided friendships. Feels disappointing at times, yet acceptance of what is- is key. I also accept that depression is like looking at life through sh* coloured glasses. 
We need to remind ourselves, we are more than this- and then get out, do shit, to prove them wrong (not the right way to word it- yet hopefully you get what I mean). 
It's all about balance- life. There is no point doing stuff in not feeling fulfilled in some way. I hope your volunteer work is helping re some level of fulfillment. I quite like chatting about stuff/life challenges etc I know how it feels to have absolutely no-one to talk to. 
Yet I do have a few close friends, as I say. However the rest, still good friends, just don't seem to get it- when they're doing well- they seem to forget how much time I've invested in trying to help/listen to their woes. 
And that can be a very real- reality check. I'm ok atm as I say, yet things can swing the other way all too easily. 
I find caring about others can take it's toll sometimes. I do some support work, minimal hrs these days- and I care about my clients very much. I do stuff outside of work to help them at times, because they are alone, and understand their struggles. Not always easy on an emotional level, to see my clients (friends) in so much pain, post jab! They, my client and mum, their lives are screwed since having the jab. I love seeing them, and vice versa (they love my visits). It's just hard for me to get past the fact they had the jab- something that was not just encouraged- many lost their jobs over it. Not trialled/tested .. many have died, and many now suffering over it. Anyhow sorry, didn't mean to go on about so much of that- yet it is seriously not good news for many.
Happy to chat more soon. I just tend to tell it as it is- not one to sugar coat. 
Have to go to bed soon. Chat soon ok 🙂

[Rusty]

Hi Michelle 

You definitely sound like a social kind of person. I feel like you do in regards to people and friends. Although most have things going on in their own lives that they don’t want to or have the time for us when we really need it. There are people who are dishonest and it does make it hard to trust people especially in situations where people are interested in knowing how I’m going. There are times where I’ve found it easier to say I’m going well when I’m not just because I’m not sure I have the trust. 
I’ve found some times where people have people have been happy to give advice but not really want to be committed to being there for me as a friend. I guess in a way that’s why I’m, at times, happy by myself and my dog. Animals are definitely honest and I have more trust in my dog that a lot of people.

Anyway things are looking up for me, I think I have learnt quite a bit recently and things I can do to help recover like chatting on the forums.

I hope things can improve for you.