Realization

[Talafa]

Good Morning all,

I hope you are all finding some peace in your day.

I was practicing my morning gratitude this morning, something i do each morning at work. I write 10 things that in that day/moment I am truely grateful for. Today I stumbled across a quote on face book

'dear self, don't get worked up over things i can not change. It is not worth the the anger build up or the headache. Control only what you can, let go. Love Me'

This hit home for me, i am in a impossible situation at the moment with my relationship, his health is poor mentally and physically. He lives in very close proximity with his family which continues to cause issues for us. His mother has MS and is very controlling and interferes way to much. I have been trying to take on all this at once. I can't control her, I can't control how he feels day to day, I have no control over his health. All i can do is support, and if he is in a headspace that won't let me. I can't control that either. So for now, i will be me, and take care of me, enjoy my friends and family. I will not accept contempt or selfishness from him any longer i will talk to him in a kind and clear way when he behaves like that.

Anyway, just a little vent and a sharing of perspective for you all. I hope maybe someone can draw some hope or understanding from it.

thanks

Tam

[Starwolf]

Hello Tam, good to meet you.

Those light bulb moments are priceless, aren't they ? You are right, of course. You can never be held responsible for another adult. Support -if allowed- is as far as it goes. Now...that leaves a fair bit of free space to take good care of yourself. Enjoy.

Thank you for sharing this inspiring resolve. Acceptance of what we cannot change doesn't come easy. But what other alternative is there ??? Nothing good comes of banging your head on someone else's brickwalls. With mental illness, isolation is a need more than a choice. Insistence on communication only serves to push people further away.

Your partner is lucky to have your willingness to support him if he feels the need. Your own needs are equally important.

[Talafa]

Thank you Starwolf. Your insight is greatly appreciated.

I just printed out two yummy fudge recipes and tonight is for cooking and art 🙂 and catch up on some lost sleep.

xo

Tam

[geoff]

hello Tam, I always love reading Starwolf's comments, because she mentions her replies in a different way than I do, and that's always good.
If he is in a headspace where he won't allow you in, but lets his mother say what she wants then you're losing a battle, so then you have to look after yourself, that's your first priority, you can't possibly struggle with two people who think differently.
You can be there offering any support in a mature manner, probably completely a different way to how he is being treated and 'Control only what you can'. Geoff.