Pip 13

[pippie13]

Hi, this is my first time on a forum and as I’m typing I can feel my heart pounding stronger, the buzzing in my ears is getting louder and my mouth is watering more.

Scared to death that I’m going beyond a place I have ever been with my anxiety and depression before. Over the last 10 years I have been lucky to have been in a good place and funnily enough about 9 months ago, I thought I was well enough to have a chat to my GP about ditching the antidepressants.

I was in a challenging job and coping well with the stress and pressure the role threw at me. I decided to get the piece of paper to back up industry knowledge and began self paced learning. A close family member was terminally ill and I was coping with supporting them and their partner. I coped when they passed. I coped when my partner lost his job. I coped when my work underwent a takeover. I coped when money was tight. I coped when my partner had a major operation.

I then took a huge plunge and quit my job. Got a new job and was coping with the challenges of learning the ropes. Enjoyed it actually.

Then bang - work load became huge, concentration depleted, buzzing in the ears began, mouth started salivating continuously, pounding in the chest, not sleeping well, feeling like I can’t string a sensible sentence together when I talk to someone, so not wanting to talk to people just in case they make a negative judgement about me.

Feeling like I’m letting my work down as I’m not able to complete tasks on time and making a lot of mistakes. Can’t handle any pressure just go totally blank and feel,like running out of the room

So scared I’m going to lose my job which will put a huge financial strain on my relationship as my husband is on work over and is not in a good head space himself. Seeing a Counsellor fortnightly - god bless his cotton socks he has been really supportive and wants to help me with how I’m feeling when he is going through so much himself.

Im asking myself is,it the job, is it a build up of life stuff that has happened over the last 9 months, is it that time when poop happens in a mid fifty year old women’s life?

Feeling like I’m ready for the scrap heap and scared to death of that scrap heap!

[Aabb]

Hey Pippie,

I'm new here to 🙂 it sounds like you did really great for a really long time and you have been through alot!

I can relate, when I had my second child I felt 100% through pregnancy, son was 8months I got a job and I loved it. I was super mum, super wife, I was there for my family, house and as always clean, moving up in my job.

Then bam after a year and half my healthy mind conked out on me. Why, I have no idea. Did I cope well not really. Some weeks are better than others. Others it's a struggle. I too quit my safe full time job for a new role. And omg do I feel the anxiety. I feel like I'm going to get fired. I feel like no one likes me. But I know it's my rotten mind playing tricks on me because I am new in the role. Is it alot yes. But can I do it hell yes. I dont know if people like me or not but i shouldnt make that assumption based on my own self loathing.

Pippie, look at all you have achieved. Your a strong woman. Your allowed to have a mental health day to just relax and re focus. Rewrite your worries in positive ways, I do this when I feel like my anxiety is playing tricks with my reality.

And if somehow you do end up on the scrap heap make it into something great. Take that change and make it all you can! I believe in you.

-Aabb

[pippie13]

Thankyou Aabs for responding to my post. You are obviously an incredibly strong beautiful soul. It’s people like you who make a difference. To be able to share your experiences and feelings and to give your time to offer such kind and supportive words to someone you don’t know is so heartwarming.

Thankyou Aabs you have brought a good tear to my eyes.